Vexations

     Vexations by Lynne F. McGee in the Washington Post (written in the 1980's).
     It all began when the dental hygienist, who was scraping tartar off my teeth, asked, "Do you spend about four minutes each time you brush your teeth?"  With a gurgling tube hanging from my lip, I responded, "A liddle lessth than that."
     "You really should," she said, "or you will lose your teeth." I vowed to myself that I would floss, pick, brush and rinse as instructed.
     At my annual physical examination the doctor asked, "How often do you exercise?" "Do you limit your salt intake?" and "Does your diet contain much cholesterol?" I thus began  an intensive fitness program, which I checked off on the daily "Personal Maintenance Schedule" on the refrigerator door.
     I then made an appointment for a beauty makeover.  "When is the last time you had a facial?" the cosmetologist asked.
     "Never" didn't seem like the right answer, so I hedged with, "It's been awhile."
     "You should have a facial more often. You've already got some wrinkles around your eyes," she warned. Mentally I added "Get facial!" to my personal maintenance schedule.
     I soon learned personal maintenance was not all that I had to worry about.  At the appliance repair shop, the clerk examining my coffee maker asked, "Do you run white vinegar through it each month?" This began my "Home Maintenance Schedule," which took its place next to my personal maintenance schedule.
     Several other appliances, too, began demanding my attention.  When I discovered that the tape deck in my car, the VCR and the disk drives in my computer also required cleaning, I wondered how long I could keep up this rigorous program.  I was sleeping four hours a night, had lost touch with my husband and children, and had no social life, not to mention no room left on the refrigerator door.
     It all came crashing down one night when I was reading an article entitled: "Are You Endangering the Lives of Your Loved Ones by Failing to Dust Your Smoke Alarms Regularly?"
     I ran to the refrigerator and tore the schedules to shreds.  In their place I have established a policy in which I respond to all questions about my behavior by taking the Fifth Amendment.


It's so easy to turn our lives into one big "to do" list.  To live in a "shoulda, coulda, woulda" world.  It seems to take the fun out of life.  Does our road to health contain advice like:

• Drink at least 8, 8 ounce glasses of water each day
• Eat 5-8 servings of fruits and vegetables each day
• Exercise at least 30 minutes, 5 days a week

Should our diet be no sugar or no carbs or no fat? Should it be paleo or just clean eating? and what exactly does clean eating mean....it seems to have different meanings to different groups. So how do we get past all the shoulda, coulda, woulda and find the right path?  Well, it goes against a lot of advice but listen to your instincts.  Diet experts seem to tell us that our instincts are wrong and we should do things their way.  For me the best course has been to do a sugar detox and then everything else seems to fall into place.   I am actually hungry for those fruits and vegetables and thirsty for clean, pure water.  I have more energy so I feel like going for that walk.  I am sleeping better.  Also, drinking a power packed shake each day reduces my appetite.  Life is good without the constant struggle of deciding which expert has the best advice for me. Learning to trust myself and just listening to my instincts is much less vexing!!