Change

This was a post I made a year ago. So many changes for Lisa (and us) since then. One of my favorite hymns is Abide With Me. I have sang it over and over during difficult times. Some of the words are “change and decay in all around I see. O thou who changest 

not, abide with me.” Lisa continues to be happy and content but we are s-l-o-w-l-y losing her whether it’s due to the stroke or dementia, it doesn’t matter. We just appreciate every day we get to see her smile. 

“ I took Lisa for a recheck on her elbow yesterday and it is healed and she is as fully functional as she will ever be with the arthritis throughout her body. What struck me was how happy and cheerful she was to everyone we met. She wasn’t focused on that she had to wear a mask or that we had to walk quite a bit (for her) from the parking lot to the check in to the ortho clinic and then to X-ray and then back to the ortho clinic and down the long hallway to an exam room. Here’s what she focused on....the housekeeper stocking shelves in the hallway...”how’s your day?”.... the nurse taking her vitals...”I like your shoes”.... and the teeny finger wave she gave another nurse. She doesn’t see size or color or what position they hold. Although she is a 50 year old woman and not a child, she is childlike in her purity, authenticity and spontaneity. There are times in her past when I’ve tried to change her but in my maturity I have learned to just enjoy her for who she is. Everyone should have a Lisa to hang out with! Have a great day! #wearamaskforher”

Going Camping!

 Our family has always loved to go camping. Perhaps it’s because we started our married life in the little town of White Earth ND which was less than an hour from Lake Sakakawea. We started with a borrowed tent and moved up to a tent we bought, then a pop up camper and then a pull behind camper and finally an over the hood pickup camper. We also liked to snowmobile but Lisa does not tolerate cold well so going camping was our go to activity. Camping was fun because we could all be together and it was what we could afford to do. We had to eat whether we stayed home or went camping so the greatest cost was our time in getting ready and cleaning up each week. We went nearly every weekend in the summer while the kids were home. We often went with my sisters and their families. My sisters and I would visit about who would bring and prepare what food for the weekend. There was much laughter and food and of course sunburn and everyone was welcome to camp with us. Lisa had tubes in her ears for most of her childhood so she could sit in the water and splash but couldn’t swim because she had to keep her ears dry. She loved the water and playing in the sand. Of course the kids all had extra treats and pop while we were camping so they loved it. Lisa also enjoyed going to summer camp at various locations. Summer was fun and Lisa loved it! 

To Do Lists

 To Do Lists

 

Today is cool and windy so it’s a good day to check things off my to-do list before fishing and pontooning starts.  There’s also the countdown to our 50^th Anniversary party on June 26^th and our lake home is now 10 years old and in some serious need of care.  I swear that I have been trying to downsize for at least 15 years and with my asthma acting up when there’s dust on all of our stuff, the “to-do” list is long and probably unrealistic. I have always been a list maker and like to check things off as I do them.  Evidently, I passed that trait on to Lisa.  I remember that I started to leave her to do lists in the summer so that her days had some structure and she truly was a big help to me.  Her biggest chores were to empty the dishwasher and later to wash clothes.  

 

I was delighted when I came home from work one day and she had written a to do list for me!! Her room used to be filled with paper lists she had made for others. She made others their grocery lists as well as their to do lists.  I think it is so neat that we raised women who are leaders…we used to say “bossy” but that’s no longer politically correct.  Lisa loved directing others and I would have to remind her that she was not the CEO of the organization but would have to take direction too.  She would get upset when others tried to direct her.  

 

Not everyone has that need or drive to be in control but Lisa certainly does and I love it! It may have been difficult directing those bossy women when they were teenagers but it’s been fun watching them as they mature and direct their own lives. After high school, Lisa lived in Williston for awhile until we decided to move her to Minot.  During the transition, she had to live in Crosby and the transition took longer than any of us wanted.  One day she came into the kitchen and said “Mom, when can I get a life of my own?”  

 

I am grateful to staff who let her look at  the choices on the menu for the day and let her choose her clothing and socks to match. That gives her a little control over her life where she has lost so much control. 

 

So here’s to leaders and to do lists and getting things done.  Be like Lisa!!

 

“We plan the way we live, but only God makes us able to live it.” Proverbs 16:9 

The Message Bible

 

 

 

 

Jokes and Laughter

Years ago, Lisa’s staff and I consulted a psychiatrist to discuss some behavior issues that Lisa was having. The psychiatrist told us that he saw Lisa as someone who loved to have fun and if she didn’t have fun at work or with the everyday chores of life, she might react with bad behavior. He was a wise man and he helped to change our approach with her and indeed her bad behavior went away. Lisa loves to have fun and to joke. It’s so fun to see her laugh until her face is contorted and until she snorts. It’s hard to get her to laugh that hard since her stroke but that doesn’t mean that she has lost her need to have fun. This is one of her favorite jokes and before her stroke she wrote me a note about her love of the “pig story”. A guy found this pig on the side of the road... Not knowing what to do with it, he brought it over to the police station to ask what he should do with it. The policeman tells him to take the pig to the zoo. A couple weeks later the same police officer was on highway patrol and he sees the same guy driving in his convertible with the pig lounging in the passenger seat, wearing a bathing suit and sunglasses. The police officer, pulls the guy over and says, "Hey you! What are you still doing with this pig? I thought I told you to take it to the zoo!" "Well officer," the guy replies, "I did take it to the zoo, and then last weekend I took it to get ice cream, and now I'm taking it to the beach!"

Work

Lisa has tried various jobs throughout her adult life. There’s been a lot of trial and error to find just the right fit for her. We will always have a soft spot for Taco John’s as she’s worked at the one in Williston and also the one in Devils Lake. She worked over the noon rush hour and her job was to sweep the floor and to wipe off tables. She was very focused on her tasks. Customers didn’t really appreciate when she was sweeping and ordered them to “move” as they were putting in their order! When she was in Minot, she worked at a recycling Center for awhile. I don’t think she liked the hours which were 11am to 7pm. She was used to getting home by 4 or 5pm and getting her jammies on and having her evening meal so working until 7 pm did not appeal to her so I think she figured out how to get fired. She deliberately put plastic in the glass bin or glass in the paper bin! Oh, Lisa! Most recently she cleaned at a bar/restaurant before it opened in the morning. I had to pick her up from her job a few times and I was impressed with her work and how she knew how to punch in and out on an I-pad. She was hesitant at first but learned to take pride in her work and love it. Her best job and all of her loyalty went to her job working at a Second hand store in Stanley. She considered the store manager, Nancy, her best friend. They joked and laughed and worked together all day long. Lisa would change out clothes for the season or dust or organize shelves. She always found treasures she wanted and started to sneak things into her bags to take home so we worked out a system for her to set things aside and once a week, Arden or I would look at her treasures and say yes or no to them and buy the ones we said yes to! Sometimes she chose toys for her niece and nephew that were too young for them….she forgot that they were growing up or she would choose clothing of the wrong size or too similar to something she already had. Anyway, she worked there for nearly 10 years and loved every minute. At the end of her day at the second hand store, she had another part time job. A staff person drove her around to businesses and Lisa would hop out and go into the business and get things they wanted to mail out. After they finished their rounds, they would take those items to the post office. One time the driver wondered why Lisa wasn’t coming out of the bank she’d gone into so the staff person went in to investigate. The bank staff had invited Lisa in for cake and ice cream at a birthday party they were having for someone so of course Lisa joined them without letting her driver know! Oh, Lisa! I hope and pray that you can and do have fun at work!

“Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.” Hebrews 13:2 (NIV) I recently re-read the book Angel Unaware which was written by Dale Evans in the 1950’s. Dale Evans was a singer, actress, writer, speaker and cowgirl who was married to the cowboy singer/actor Roy Rogers. The book is about their daughter, Robin who was born with Down Syndrome. It is told from Robin’s point of view in heaven. Both of my parents loved to read and we were so thankful for the county bookmobile where we could check out books. It stopped at our country school during the school year and stopped in our farmyard in the summer. I think it came every 2 weeks. We would all place the books we had gotten on the kitchen table so Mom could count them and write the number of books on the calendar for when the bookmobile came the next time. Mom was short and after 6 children in 9 years she had bad varicose veins so she often sat on a stool in the kitchen while she worked. She would sit on that stool while she stirred our supper with one hand and held a book in her other hand. I would often ask her what she was reading. I remember her telling me about the book Angel Unaware. I wonder if that influenced me in our decision for Lisa to come into our home? I know we were influenced by the concern of over-population at that time so we had no qualms of accepting a child who was not born to us. Lisa is definitely the work of the Holy Spirit in giving us just the right child (as He did with all of our children) and in giving us a child who gave as much to us as we gave to her. Truly a miracle and a blessing. Lisa continues to struggle with her speech, comprehension and memory. She is content and pain free so we are happy with that. I’ve been in Van Hook for a week but will drive to Fargo tomorrow. I will go to Fargo every 7-10 days throughout the summer. She is so excited to see me or anyone else in the family. Visiting is sporadic for other family members as the facility is on lockdown off and on when a staff person tests positive for Covid. They continue to grant me compassionate visits for which I am thankful. I believe there are many people in our lives who are angels and they are not always recognizable. It’s easy to be friendly or hospitable to those who look like us or to those that we know. But Angels may come in all kinds of disguises. They may be dirty and messy and crude and they may have lessons to teach us and wisdom to impart. I concentrate really hard when Lisa and others with speech impediments talk because I don’t want to miss what they have to say. If you keep your eyes and ears open, there can be a lot of ministering done in a bar or other places where the lost and lonely hang out. Arden is very good at that kind of ministry. He is non-judgmental and loves to hear people’s stories. He has taught me to listen despite appearances or pre-conceived ideas of a person. I wish I had learned this years ago but I guess it’s better late than never! Thank you agai

n for all of the cards and gifts that you are sending to Lisa. She loves getting your mail and looking at the cards. God Bless You!!

PRECIOUS MEMORIES

PRECIOUS MEMORIES…….. I find that one of the hardest things to deal with as I grow older is regrets. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about regrets of when the kids were younger.  Why didn’t I let Steph take violin lessons and figure out where she could get them?  Why didn’t I stay and provide support to Erik when his friend died rather than going to that conference?  Why didn’t we teach our children more about managing money?  Why didn’t I expect Arden to help more?  Did our numerous foster children take away from the time and care for our other children?  Why did I spank Lisa when she wet the bed?  I know that I did the best with what I knew at the time and I would provide grace to others so why can’t I give it to myself and why am I still carrying all of these regrets?  In the light of day, those worries seem ridiculous and even a little funny but they were very real in the middle of the night.  My solution to those worries is to sing hymns of comfort to myself until I fall back asleep. A blessing for Lisa is that she seems to have little memory of the past so she has no regrets. I will show her pictures of her time in Noonan and Crosby and even before her stroke, she showed little recognition of her childhood. Twice, I’ve made her a book on Shutterfly that told of her childhood and she’s thrown the books away. She used to always say that Stanley was her hometown and since the stroke she seems to have little memory of either Van Hook or Stanley. Yesterday she asked about work so I reminded her of her stroke and that she can’t walk so she will probably never work again. Many days I am not sure if she knows who I am other than that nice lady who visits often. My wearing a mask and not wearing my glasses doesn’t help her to recognize me. We look at pictures and reminisce but she doesn’t seem to remember. Is this loss of memory from the dementia or the stroke? I guess it really doesn’t matter. Sometimes, I think that those memories are there but she just doesn’t have the words to ask about them or comment on them. My brother in law is fond of saying “It is what it is” and Lisa will often say “oh well”when I give her some news. The reality is the reason for the name of this blog: THERE’S NEVER BEEN A DAY LIKE THIS DAY TO ME THERE’S NEVER BEEN A DAY LIKE THIS DAY I SEE THERE’S NEVER BEEN A LIGHT THAT SHINES SO BRIGHT AS THIS DAY, THIS GLORIOUS DAY.