March 03, 2021 Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — March 03, 2021 A new month and spring-like weather is helping everyone’s mood. It’s time to break out the bikes. I took my first bike ride today and it was glorious. Our house is exactly a mile from Eventide and there’s a great walking and bike path that takes me almost to the door of Eventide. We never considered that Lisa couldn’t ride a bike. We taught all of our kids to ride on the grass so if they fell, they fell where it was soft. I don’t remember that it took her any longer than the other kids to get the hang of it. I also don’t remember using training wheels much. She LOVED riding her bike both around Noonan or in Crosby. I’m not sure how aware she was of traffic and we told her to stay off Main Street but who knows if she followed our rules! One time when we went to church on Sunday morning, someone said to me that it was nice to see Lisa at the wedding reception last night. I hadn’t gone to the wedding as it wasn’t someone that I knew well but it seems that Lisa was out riding bike and saw that there were cars at the church. In her mind I’m sure she thought that if there are people at the church, there is food! So she parked her bike and went in and stood in line for cake and punch. I’m sure she was dirty and sweaty from riding bike and she probably gave the bride and groom hugs too! It will be nice to get her outside on these nice days too. She’s doing well. We played a game of Go Fish and when I asked her whose birthday is in March she told me “Stephie”. They may try to get her to stand in therapy again this week. Please pray that she is willing to give it a try. I couldn’t find any pictures of her riding bike but I did find some of her at a Special Olympics track event. She doesn’t like heights so wanted to sit instead of stand on the podium. I’m glad there’s no pictures of me because I was 8 1/2 months pregnant with Kirsten and I was running along the sidelines cheering her on! March 01, 2021 Lisa’s Father and other men in her life Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — March 01, 2021 10 years ago, I was watching the show Parenthood where a young boy finds out he has Asperger's and asks his parents what it is. I am reminded of one time when Lisa asked us what Down Syndrome was. I was speechless but Arden said that Down Syndrome was kinda like being bald, you have to live with it but it really doesn't matter much!! I don’t know why but Lisa calls her Dad “Father” and not Dad. I think she likes to hear the word like she likes to hear the word cousin. He loves to tease her and she loves it too. Lisa loves to hang out with guys. We all remember the time she was showing us her apartment and she asked all of us to leave except for her brother in law, Jodi aka Joey! Over the last few weeks, she consistently asks about Jodi and her other brother in law, Brad rather than her sisters! When she first got to Eventide, they asked me if she was ok with male caregivers and I said that was no problem at all. In the last few years she has been hardest hit by male peers who have died. She got a haircut this morning. It sure is convenient that there’s a beauty shop right at Eventide. She got a little impatient as the cut was right before lunch and she was worried that she might miss her lunch. She is talking again about going “home” and I told her that she would have to work hard at exercising and walking before she could leave Eventide.
February 25, 2021 Life is Good Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — February 25, 2021 Lisa had a recheck with neurology today. They are pleased that her facial drooping is less and that her speech and understanding are coming back. She is to continue on the blood thinners of plavix and baby aspirin and no need for rescans or rechecks unless there are significant changes. She says she's fine and has no pain. She was very sleepy this morning so they suggested that her anti anxiety med she’s been on for years be given at night instead of the morning. The Eventide Van provided transportation which was wonderful. Essentia Hospital was very busy with many transport vans and other traffic. Because Eventide has had no Covid cases, 2 people may visit in her room starting on Monday. Arden came to Fargo so we are excited to go to see Casey play in the squirt international hockey tournament. Lisa has never cared much for hockey because she gets so cold. So thankful that it’s been warmer so it was easier to take Lisa out for her appointment. Brought soup over to Kirsten’s family this evening and hope to make it to Mayville tomorrow evening after hockey. This has been a week of getting to a new normal. The weather is nicer so I’ve been able to walk outside and because I’ve had my second vaccine, I started back to water aerobics. Life is different but it’s still good.
February 23, 2021 MOM, Are you boring? Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — February 23, 2021 Many years ago after a long day and probably a long week at work, Lisa looked at my exhausted face and said “Mom, are you boring?”Instead of saying bored she said boring and I said that yes, I was sure that I was boring!! Staff and I have worked and brainstormed for ideas so that Lisa does not get bored. Prior to her stroke, she would spend her days doing WordSearch, listening to music, doing laundry, re-arranging her room, watching wheel of fortune and the weather and visiting with her roommate. Her days were full for her and she never complained of boredom. Prior to Covid she worked and went to the workshop every day. I would take her to appointments which were usually followed by a trip to Dairy Queen. She also would come to our house or to Kirsten’s or Steph’s house for family gatherings. Every day I am grateful that I am allowed these compassionate visits. I usually stop in twice a day and am able to answer her questions, help her with her mail and we look at pictures and reminisce. She is sleeping a lot less now which is good. FOr the most part she seems content despite the fact that she is no longer able to do Word Search or concentrate on TV. She loves to wave at or “high five” staff as they pass by. I’m not sure if she would be able to pick out and play the cd’s of her choice or If she would know what buttons to push like she used to. I usually let her pick the CD and play it for her. She has enjoyed Bingo but the poor activities staff do mostly 1-1 things with people and can’t have many group activities because of Covid. They are trying their best. I am acutely aware of how much the other residents must miss regular visits from their family so today I brought my keyboard over and played some music for everyone in the dining room before supper. I don’t think Lisa was impressed because it wasn’t her kind of music but a couple of the other residents asked when I was coming back. As long as I am there anyway and when they can’t have visitors, I might as well do what I can to make their days less boring too. I hope you have hobbies and activities that you enjoy because I would sure hate to find out that you are boring too!!
February 21, 2021. Caregivers Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — February 21, 2021 I have been taking care of my 2 geriatric grand dogs this weekend and loving it! There have been no accidents and they sleep well at night so it’s been great to have their company. Taking care of them led me to think of what a sacred calling caregiving is. In my 35 years in long term care, I never once felt like leaving the profession. I was right where I wanted to be. Caregivers are a special breed. For the most part, they are selfless and give until it hurts. They come in on their days off, they dress up to bring some fun to the residents. They bring their kids and pets in to visit when they can. They skip lunch or coffee breaks. They help out their coworkers. I’m so happy to see signs and banners recognizing and applauding caregivers this year. It’s been neat to see Arden as a Certified Nursing Assistant these last few years. His mother and the residents he takes for appointments love his conversation and caring. Thank you to him and all those who accepted that call. Back to my grand dogs....One is blind. One is deaf. One is white. One is black. One is little. One is huge. One has a quiet bark or growl. One does not! It doesn’t matter, I love them both. And I think that’s true for caregivers....they keep on keeping on because they love what they do and don’t care about size or color or noise! Lisa giggled when she saw what I was wearing today. She hasn’t really engaged with or watched TV this last month and she usually takes a long nap in the afternoon but I warned staff that if she should happen to notice the Bison game, they might hear her cheering loudly! Go Bison!
February 19, 2021 Beauty in Ordinary Things Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — February 19, 2021 Now more than ever, I so appreciate the ordinary things in my day
Frost on trees
Green lights all the way to the mall
A snoring dog on my lap
A return to water aerobics
Good roads and little traffic on a 5 hour drive
An interesting and thought provoking audiobook
The perfect decorative pillow for my bed
A nutritious meal
And for Lisa Singing karaoke with Mom
Diet Coke Reece’s Pieces Cards from friends and family
Staff who take the time to give me a high five
A Bison football game
A long nap
February 16, 2021 Cousins Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — February 16, 2021 Lisa often talks about her cousins. I think she is fascinated by the word. When I last visited her, I listed all of the cousins I thought I would see. One year before Christmas, she brought a present that she had labeled for her “cousin”. I told her she had a lot of cousins so she would have to decide which cousin the present was for and she finally decided on Carla. Another time when staff were helping her grocery shop, she bought a pumpkin pie to take to Grandmas. She was SO proud to contribute to the meal. She would run around the yard hunting for Easter eggs with her Eide cousins or run around the farm with her Anderson cousins. I’ve included a picture of the cousins who were at their Grandmas funeral....only 3 were missing and a picture from a Christmasin the 1980’s. Another picture is of a newsletter I wrote to staff about Lisa. Both Arden and I had a lot of cousins when we were growing up and have a lot of precious memories with them. Cousins are forever friends whose hearts are bound together by the love of a family. They stay together, play together, dream together, scheme together. They know the same family secrets and tell the best family jokes. Sometimes they even share the same name, the same smile, the same freckles, the same laugh. Cousins love to get together at holiday time or anytime....for when grownups are busy ‘catching up’ cousins are busy ‘building up’ a store of memories —sure to last a LIFETIME! (Stolen off google with no author named)
February 15, 2021. WORDS MATTER Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — February 15, 2021 As we prepare for Lisa’s Grandma’s celebration of life, we’ve been looking through pictures and other things. Several years ago, we got a cell phone for Marian and Arnold when he was going through cancer treatments. Arden taught them how to use it and said he would like them to call him after his cancer treatment was finished and before they started their 90 mile trip home. Up until a couple of weeks before her death, Marian would still call Arden on the cell phone. One of the things she insisted on doing was sending him some money each month to pay for the cell phone. It was great when she started to include little notes in the envelope with the money for the cell phone. Now neither Arden’s parents nor my parents were particularly demonstrative with hugs or by saying that they loved us. They showed their love by providing food and clothing and shelter for us and by going to their jobs so they could provide for us. They arranged for fun picnics and outings, ponies and bikes and pets and time with cousins. They just didn’t hug or say I love you much. That is why it is so cool that Arden’s mother started writing these notes. Lisa has been a prolific writer. Her strength was in her writing. I would often tell staff that when they couldn’t understand what she was saying, they should ask her to write it and she did! I’m including a special note she sent to me after Valentine’s Day many years ago. I know many of you who are reading this have been the recipient of her notes. Even before her stroke, her writing was becoming less and less. I miss those notes and will forever cherish the ones I saved. A couple of years ago, I had a greeting on a card from our parents inscribed on key chains for my siblings and I. Those words are precious and lasting! In this day of twitter and texts, people don’t often realize how their words are saved forever and can be used for or against them in the future. I hope our written and spoken words are encouraging and kind for others. We can learn from Lisa.
February 13, 2021 Compassion and Understanding Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — February 13, 2021 Lisa is a very compassionate person. Because her developmental age is about age 4 or 5, her thoughts are often self centered but she has a keen sense of others moods and emotions. As I’ve visited her these last few days so that I could provide comfort to her in her loss, we’ve reminisced about Grandma and she’s seen my tears and she’s ended up comforting me! A hard thing for Lisa to understand is divorce. Most of the time, when there is a divorce, the in-law (or outlaw) is no longer a part of the family and not at family functions and she asks about them over and over again! Most of the time, there is resentment of that person over the perceived wrongs that they have done to hurt the beloved family member so I try to hush her up. Sometimes people not understanding her speech is a good thing! I think part of the reason that Lisa has trouble understanding it is because she doesn’t hold a grudge and she has a hard time seeing the bad in others. Anyway, I have solved this dilemma by telling her ahead of time that there’s been a divorce and asking and reminding her not to ask about that person. That solution has worked pretty well. I explained to her that I would say “hi” to all the cousins and aunts and uncles at the funeral and that we would surely take her along if she were not sick. I told her that everyone would miss her. I won’t be able to visit her for a few days so I won’t provide an update. She is pretty stable. She still sleeps a lot. I am so grateful for the good care she’s receiving. Thank you again for all of the Valentines and all of the condolences. When life slows down, I will try to catch up on thank yous. It’s weird that my mother died 11 years ago at this same time. Lisa wrote a poem about my mother that I will post with the pictures. One of the pictures was about 1981 at Grandma and Grandpa Eide’s on Christmas Eve. Lisa is in the striped sweater on the left. There are a lot of precious memories of times with the Eide cousins at Grandma and Grandpas.
February 11, 2021 Love is all you need! Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — February 11, 2021 We have a friend who cared for his wife through the long journey of dementia. His posts before and after she died have always ended with “Love is all you need”. It’s so simple and SO true. As you might guess, Lisa’s favorite hymn is Jesus Loves Me this I Know! Also so simple but SO true! We tend to complicate things and I love Lisa’s example to keep things simple. Arden got his first chance to see Lisa since she was admitted to Eventide and he was happy to hear that her voice is stronger and her vision is better and she waved off his teasing as she always does. It’s been a blessing to have Erik here this week too. We’re just enjoying the simple things such as having pizza with the kids and doing our taxes......wait, wait that is NOT enjoyable as we couldn’t find a key piece that we needed!! Anyway, back to love...this year, we will reach our 50th Anniversary and this guy, this guy who cares for and about others much more than he cares about his own wants and needs, who has always taken care of his family and friends and neighbors, this guy has truly shown how amazing he is. He has visited his mother nearly every day, arranged for Visiting Angels so she could stay at home as long as possible and sat by her bedside for hours at a time. He has used his CNA training more than he would like to but done it without complaint and I am thankful that I am married to him. His mother died last night at the Tioga Medical Center so we are grateful for time with family. We told Lisa of her Grandma’s death this morning and she said “how’s heaven?”. I told her that I thought heaven has wine coolers and Diet Coke and country music and dancing all day long and that Grandma is no longer in pain or forgetful or old. I said that heaven is amazing and Lisa just smiled. Love is all we need!
February 9, 2021 Hugs Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — February 09, 2021 Lisa gives and gets the best hugs. During this time of Covid it’s been hard to restrain her from giving hugs. I popped in to visit her this morning as she was finishing her oatmeal. She said that she slept well and she gave me a giant hug when I left. It felt SO good. The Surprising Health Benefits of a Simple Hug Why you need to hug someone todayHugging does more than just make you feel good in the moment. Research shows that hugging may also help reduce stress and lower your risk of anxiety, depression and illness. Hugs may even help you heal. Need a reason to hug someone today? Consider what a simple hug can do: •Helps you feel connected. Hugging helps connect you to others and can reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation. A lack of social connection has been linked to lower survival rates in people with coronary artery disease. Other psychological factors that may be positively impacted by hugging, such as stress, anxiety and depression, may also be risk factors for heart disease. •Can lower stress. Being hugged can reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Stress can wreak havoc on your health, especially over the long-term. Uncontrolled stress can contribute to heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes and obesity. It can also compromise your immune system. Finding ways to reduce stress will benefit your health. •May help you avoid getting sick. Stress can increase your risk of getting a cold, and by reducing stress, hugging makes it less likely you’ll get sick. A study at Carnegie Mellon University found that people who felt more social support and received more hugs were less likely to get a cold, and even if they did, their symptoms were less severe. •Triggers the release of oxytocin. Higher levels of oxytocin can cause stress hormones and heart rate to drop. A study done at the University of North Carolina found that premenopausal women who got more frequent hugs had higher levels of oxytocin and lower blood pressure than participants who didn’t get as many hugs. •Releases tension in the body. When you hug someone, it relaxes muscles, increases circulation and releases endorphins in your body. This can reduce tension and may even help soothe aches and pains. •Elevates your mood. Hugging can also increase levels of dopamine and serotonin, which can boost your mood and relieve symptoms of depression. (Pihhealth.org)
February 8, 2021. Moving Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — February 08, 2021 Lisa moved out of her Medicare rehab room today. Staff made light work of the move and it happened quickly. Her new room is very similar to her old one but it has a much better view. It looks directly across at Scheels arena so anyone driving on 32nd Avenue can honk or wave at her! I will put a big red heart in her window! It was interesting to visit with the maintenance person who said he didn’t get much notice of the move and was busy programming the TV and patching a nail hole in the wall from the previous occupant. He apologized for being rushed, I told him that he and others like him are my heroes and that a good maintenance person is worth their weight in gold. I told him that I know that these room moves are often like dominoes...one move triggers another and another. So grateful for staff who try to find compatible living arrangements for all of the residents and then for all of those that make the moves happen. There’s a lot of behind the scenes work that goes into these moves. A fun and funny fact about Lisa is that she loves to move!! As I would drive her to appointments, she would point out different apartment buildings thinking she might like to move! She also loves to re-arrange her room and would often do it weekly!! Her bed in her last apartment was not heavy so she could try it out in different places. She didn’t like to ask for help and her room wasn’t very big and you never knew how she would rearrange her furniture. Since the focus in the rehab unit was therapy, they didn’t have as many activities so there will be more for her to do and more people to see and visit with in her new room. It will take a few days for her to get to know the new staff and for them to get to know her but overall, this was a good move.
February 7, 2021. Emotions Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — February 07, 2021 After a stroke, survivors often experience emotional and behavioral changes. The reason is simple. Stroke impacts the brain, and the brain controls our behavior and emotions. You or your loved one may experience feelings of irritability, forgetfulness, carelessness or confusion. (Stroke.org) This morning when I stopped in to see Lisa, she was crying. Crying is very unusual for her. In the 45+ years that I’ve known her, her chief emotion is joy and happiness. Maybe once a year, I would see her cry and that was usually when she wasn’t feeling well. She would occasionally show anger when she thought someone stole her socks or if someone was teasing her about taking her food or if she didn’t get her way. Occasionally she would show remorse and say that she was sorry but generally she has been a very happy and content person. She had friends and play dates when she was younger but she really preferred to be alone....listening to music, playing in her play store, writing or riding her bike. So it is upsetting to her (and us) when she is sad. After I explained to her about her stroke again and told her that we love and support her no matter what and took her to her room where I held her hand, she quieted down and said “I’m sorry”. I told her that she had nothing to be sorry about and that we loved her so much and are so proud of her and that everything is ok. I told her she would probably feel better after lunch and a nap and she did. She helped to pick out her outfit to wear while she watched the Super Bowl and staff said they would change her clothes after her nap. Staff also think that she may be bored and I agree. She can’t ride around and explore the Center in the wheelchair and because of Covid there are no group activities like music or church or bingo. She can’t concentrate on TV or her WordSearch like she used to either. One day at a time as we navigate the ups and downs. Thanks again for your prayers and support.
February 6, 2021 Sports loving family Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — February 06, 2021 I thought I would show you some fun pictures of Lisa. We have many precious memories of fun times with Lisa and look forward to making more of them. We especially enjoy watching sports on TV...it is truly an experience to watch Lisa screaming while watching football! She’s not a big fan of hockey because she doesn’t enjoy the cold but has enjoyed fishing. She would much rather attend a country music concert or sporting event than get dressed up but I did sneak in a picture of her going to the prom with her Dad. I was at hockey games today but popped in to see her a couple of times....she’s adjusting to her new normal and seems content. Stay safe, stay warm and enjoy the Super Bowl!
February 5, 2021 Therapy Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — February 05, 2021 It’s hard (if not impossible) to motivate someone else. When Lisa had her knees replaced, we faced the challenge of her accepting therapy to increase her strength and range of motion in her knees. Lisa lives in the moment. She has a hard time thinking about the future and can’t see the value in working now for a benefit in the future. She especially can’t understand why she should endure pain or discomfort for any reason. I tried to talk to her today about working hard so that she can learn to walk again. I talked about how fun it would be to go to a barbecue at Kirsten’s or how fun it would be to go to Steph’s farm at Mayville. The easiest way to do that is if we can pivot transfer her into our vehicles but she doesn’t understand that. Of course we could hire a van transport to take her to Kirstens but if she has to go to the bathroom we would have to go back to Eventide. She currently needs 2 people and a mechanical lift to take her to the bathroom. So my dream is that she would be motivated to work hard in therapy but the reality is that we may only be able to visit her at Eventide and she may never be able to go out. That’s hard to accept when she has been such a fun and vital part of family gatherings. They do have lovely outside courtyards at Eventide where we can gather in the summer but it’s just not the same. Of course in her current state of exhaustion, it’s hard for her to have enthusiasm for anything so we will just continue to enjoy the moments when she is awake and engaged. Erik is here from Colorado for 10 days so that will be fun for her (and him). I am so glad that she doesn’t have to go out in this frigid weather. She continues to enjoy all of your cards and gifts. Thank you again….I’m not sure if I will get pm’s sent to everyone who has sent a card or gift but I’m trying. The staff say that they don’t know of anyone who has received as many cards and gifts as she has.
February 4, 2021. ROUTINES Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — February 04, 2021 Lisa loves routine. Most people who know those with Down Syndrome, know that is true. I deliberately tried to shake up Lisa’s routine when she was younger so that she wouldn’t get stuck in a rut. I remember one time I announced that it was supper and Lisa wanted to put on her shoes before she came to supper and I said that she could just come and eat in her stocking feet. She was not happy with me! She also was used to ALWAYS taking a shower each morning and the only way she would be willing to change that routine was to know about it way ahead of time. If she had an early morning appointment, I would tell her the evening before to take a bath or shower as we wouldn’t have time in the morning. Then she would be fine with the change in routine. She’s always been particular about her meal times and does not think it is funny to tease her about food. One time we were at a lunch after a funeral and the priest came over with a big smile to visit with her as she walked to her place with her plate. She was not happy as she thought that the priest was going to try to steal her plate as her Uncle George would often do!! Anyway, our meal times are often irregular at the lake because we might be out on the pontoon or playing on the beach so I just need to tell her ahead of time that our evening meal would be at 8 and not 6 but she could sure have a snack to tide her over if she needed it. Also if we were driving to Minot and I realized that we wouldn’t get there right at noon, I had to warn her that our noon meal would be late. She would be fine but also would check her watch or the clock in the car frequently. I just needed to tell her ahead of time that her routine would be altered. That was life with Lisa before. She’s not as aware of time and routine after the stroke. Needless to say my routine is greatly altered since she’s been sick and also since COVID but I am gradually developing a new normal. Since retirement, I have hated being rushed. Seems like I spent so much of my earlier years with deadlines and appointments and rushing, rushing from one thing to another. Retirement has been heaven and I’m so glad to have the time to leisurely get ready for the day and to plan my and Lisa’s appointments so we won’t be rushed. Anyway, today is the first day in about two weeks that I’ve remembered to take my vitamins and although I’ve prided myself on healthy eating 80% of the time, these last two weeks have been mostly ice cream or fast food…my exercise has also been sporadic. I got an Apple Watch in August and it shows that I get some kind of exercise 24-26 days each month and I love how it makes me feel. I also love listening to audiobooks while I walk or exercise. I am giving myself grace in the eating and exercising area but also crave the routine of it and how it makes me feel. Isn’t it funny how routine is both the boon and the bane of our lives? Love you all and thanks for the support and love and prayers!! She was awake and sassy this morning…getting ready for Valentines Day with a soft blanket from Jo and Mike Stefonowicz and a teddy bear from Kal and Tami Njos! Thank you!
February 3, 2021. Eat Dessert First! Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — February 03, 2021 Lisa had a good day. She loved having pancakes and sausage for breakfast. She pointed at shoes before going to PT as she wanted to wear them. She stood twice in parallel bars with help. She will however go off Medicare A next week because of her reluctance to participate most days and lack of progress. I asked if her arm was sore after her vaccine and she said no I'm fine. Smiling and definitely happy to see Steph and I. Had her first care conference too and we ended it because she pretty much told us to...shooing us out of her room! It was good to see that in her as she would often get bored and tired of all the talking at our Friendship meetings too. I stopped in with her Diet Coke before supper. It looked delicious! So grateful for the staff and the care she’s getting!
February 2, 2021 Snow Days Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — February 02, 2021 We have had a mild winter so far. There’s a little more snow in Fargo than Van Hook but overall a decent winter. As I watched the weather hit the East coast of the US this week, I was reminded of a few weeks ago when I was driving Lisa to an appointment. I told her it was supposed to snow and be windy the next day and she squealed “Oh a snow day!” I laughed because she has had nothing but snow days since COVID hit and she’s loved it! She’s loved being in her pajamas and staying home. Although she’s gone to work sporadically, she’s mostly been home. She was content with her music or TV, Diet Coke and candy and WordSearch puzzles. Someone else shopped and cooked for her. Sounds like the perfect life to me! She was pretty sleepy this morning so it’s hard for therapy to work with her. She got her second COVID vaccine and then a long nap. She was wide awake this afternoon so we watched the weather and talked about the Super Bowl. Thanks again for all of the cards and gifts. They are heartwarming for Lisa and her family! Tomorrow we will have her care conference with the different disciplines.
February 1, 2021 Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — February 01, 2021 Just an ordinary day in our new normal Meals, therapy, naps, opening mail, Diet Coke, music and smiles....it’s all good!
January 31, 2021 The power of touch Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — January 31, 2021 Since Lisa’s stroke, she has found great comfort in someone holding her left hand. During her days and nights in the hospital, we pulled the recliner close to her left side and held her hand. We are grateful that she is left handed so she can still feed herself and she can still wave or hold a pencil or hold our hands. It was so good to see her after being gone since Friday. She smiled and said “how are you?” We opened several letters and packages. She even ate a Reece’s peanut butter cup from her aunt Kay. She didn’t want music on or to sit in the commons area but wanted her TV on in her room and we watched a cooking show. She gets her second COVID vaccine this week so it will be good to worry less about her catching that virus. Arden and Erik have both had their second vaccines and I will get my second one soon too. It will be good for us and Lisa to be able to hug again! I remember the first time we took the kids to Disney World in 1984, we had just gotten there and were walking arm in arm down that wide street before the castle. It was a glorious warm day in January and we were SO surprised that it was not crowded. Because of the warm temperatures, I remember Lisa turning to us and saying “I just don’t feel like touching right now!” While Bill Gaither was accompanying Dr. Dale Oldham on his evangelistic crusades, the preacher said to him, "Bill, the word 'touch' is a very popular word. It comes up so often in the New Testament stories about Jesus touching people's eyes and healing them, or touching people's lives and changing them. It's a special, spiritual word and you ought to write a song that praises His touch." So he did. That week, Dr. Oldham's son Doug Oldham began singing it in the meetings. Doug was also the first to record the song (in 1964).[1] Not long after that, the Bill Gaither Trio recorded it. There’s comfort in the song “He Touched Me”.
January 29, 2021 Feeling Down Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — January 29, 2021 She was sad and grumpy this morning which is unusual for her. After I was there for 2 hours trying to cheer her up, I asked if she wanted me to leave and she said yes. I asked if she wanted music on and she said no. She stood a little in PT but they said they couldn't get her to do it yesterday. I said the Divide County cheer during PT that starts with “let me see you get down”. She didn’t find it funny. It's ok to have a down day now and then. We love you no matter what mood you’re in Lisa! Sometimes a long nap helps. I’m out of town to watch grandson Casey play hockey so Lisa’s sister Steph will spend time with her tomorrow. Carol Hall wrote a poem called
It's All Right to Cry - Free to Be You and Me [Performed by Rosey Grier on Sesame Street)
It's all right to cry
Crying gets the sad out of you
It's all right to cry
It might make you feel better
Raindrops from your eyes
Washing all the mad out of you
Raindrops from your eyes
It's gonna make you feel better
It's all right to feel things
Though the feelings may be strange
Feelings are such real things
And they change and change and change
Sad 'n' grumpy, down in the dumpy Snuggly, hugly, mean 'n' ugly
Sloppy, slappy, hoppy, happy
Change and change and change
It's all right to know
Feelings come and feelings go
It's all right to cry
It might make you feel better
January 28, 2021 What’s your name? Where you from? Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — January 28, 2021 I told my kids recently that I was offended by the Progressive insurance commercials on TV because they make fun of us Senior Citizens. The girls just laughed and said that they love the commercials because they are so true. Erik hadn’t seen the commercials so we pulled them up on YouTube and all laughed at them. Most of the commercials feature a guy teaching classes to Senior Citizens regarding phone etiquette and other technical issues. One of the commercials says “you don’t need to call the waitress by her name!” I disagree with that. Our daughter in law Donya always asked the wait staffs name. She did a fair amount of waitressing herself and felt it was a sign of respect to call the person by their name. I agree! Lisa has loved to know peoples names and I miss her asking “what’s your name?” And “where are you from?” One time she asked a doctors name and then when she got home she wrote him a thank you note thanking him for fixing her foot! Tomorrow I’m going to write some helpful hints for staff and one of the things I’m going to ask them to do is to tell her their names. As she settles into a routine and gets familiar with people it’s good for her to know their names even if she can’t say them. Today was a sleepy day for her. When the occupational therapist went in to help her get dressed, she gave her a couple of shirt choices and Lisa grabbed the Broncos shirt and hung on. She was also wearing Bison socks! She had on shoes for the first time in a week. The speech therapist upgraded her diet to mechanical soft and honey thick liquids instead of pudding thickness. She has had no further choking. This afternoon, she had her thickened Diet Coke and listened to music and opened several packages and cards that she got. Of course I cried while reading them. I am overwhelmed by everyone’s thoughtfulness. Wow! The Message Bible says in Isaiah 43:1 “Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you. I’ve called your name. You’re mine. ...”
January 27, 2021 STUFF Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — January 27, 2021 Lisa has always worried about her “stuff”. Lisa and her latest roommate truly love each other and loved spending time together. Their only conflict seemed to be over their stuff! It all started when they both happened to have an identical pair of socks.....not just any pair of socks but Easter socks with cute bunnies on them! When Lisa saw her roommate wearing them, she was not happy. That along with Lisa’s memory loss caused her to often accuse her roommate of taking her “stuff". When we traveled to Van Hook, she would constantly check the back seat to make sure we had her “stuff”. Anyway, I didn’t get to Eventide until 11 today and she was pretty sleepy. PT said she had worked hard and was able to stand for short periods in the parallel bars. I knew she would have lunch and then have a nice nap so I didn’t stay long. Instead, I went home to sort through all of the “stuff” we had moved out of her apartment last weekend. Uffda! Most of her stuff was clothes. she loved to shop and was fun to shop for...liking different clothes for each holiday, clothes for different sports teams she likes (Vikings, Broncos, Bison and the Twins) and cute things. She especially liked her clothes to match and she loves cute socks. Anyway, I like to shop too so definitely spoiled her with clothes. It was time to downsize. As she’s gotten older, she’s rarely warm enough so I could eliminate a lot of summer stuff. She will no longer be going out to work or on outings like she did so I could eliminate a lot of winter gear. She’s loved cute shoes but unfortunately will have to wear sturdy serviceable shoes so I could eliminate the cute ones. Also because her right arm does not have any movement, her clothing has to be loose enough so she can be dressed more easily so I could eliminate some things there. I ended up with a black garbage full of clothes to donate, a big tote to take to her and a cubicle organizer full of non- winter clothing and extra socks and underwear to leave here. The rooms at Eventide are furnished with TV’s, recliners and built in dressers so all you need to bring is clothes and pictures and personal effects. I’m listening to a book called North of Normal where people lived simply and didn’t have much “stuff” and there’s certainly an appeal to that lifestyle. I went back to Eventide around 4 and she was wide awake. She enjoyed her thickened Diet Coke and listening to music. We FaceTimed with Arden and she pointed to the CD player and said Kirsten when Strawberry Wine played. it was great to see her animated and engaged! Thanks again for all the love and support! Take life day by day and be grateful for the little things.
January 26, 2021 Are You Having Fun? Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — January 26, 2021 After talking about favorite phrases of Lisa’s, I realized that what she most often says to me as we are driving to appointments or to Van Hook is “Are You Having Fun?” I think she started asking this when she sensed I was crabby or stressed about something. Frankly, if I ever said that I wasn’t having fun, I think she would have said “take me home”. Lisa is all about fun and today was a great , fun day and it ended with her laughing for the first time since the stroke. She burped at supper and I said “whoa, where did that come from?” And she laughed! I met and shared her story with her nurse practitioner and all three therapists. They agree that she should not be on hospice. They also agree that she has a lot of work ahead of her and that they will try to make the journey fun. She named her siblings and asked about a friend in Stanley. She stood briefly in the parallel bars and also pedaled on a bike. She was wearing her Kenny Rogers shirt so she tried to sing along to his music. She worked and played hard in the morning so had a nice nap this afternoon. She had thickened Diet Coke and loved it. Life is good and although this was not a journey we would choose, we had fun and at this point that’s all that counts!
January 25, 2021 Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — January 25, 2021 One of my first thoughts when I first heard that Lisa had a stroke was. “I just want to hear her say embarrassing one more time. Because of Lisa our vocabularies will forever be changed. Here are some of her favorite sayings: ”hang your horses” when she wants you to be more patient with her “that’d be good”.....she said that many times but I most remember that’s what she said when I told her Grandma Stella went to heaven. I remember she said “pig” to one of her siblings as they loaded up on cookies after school. That’s probably typical of what teenagers say to each other! She had her annual physical the week before her stroke and she told her doctor “I’m older than dirt!” She also had a dentist appointment the week before her stroke and as the hygienist escorted her back to the waiting room where I was, she insisted on peaking into the other rooms and asking the staff and other patients how their Christmas was? She is talking very little these days...she says “fine” when we ask her how she is. She said “how are you?” when I saw her today. About 4:30 she was crying and restless so staff called me and I went over. She calmed down and I asked her what she wanted and she said “eat”. Her meal came fairly soon after that. She’s able to feed herself with some assistance. Her right side is affected and she’s left handed so that’s good. While I was there, I had something scratching underneath my bra and since her door was closed and no one else was in her room, I lifted my shirt to see what the problem was. Her look definitely said embarrassing although she couldn’t quite get the word out. It’s hard for her to smile because of the right facial droop but she did smile! she was pretty sleepy today so it was hard for therapies to work with her. I hung up some pictures on her walls as well as a bulletin board and made a couple of small photo albums so we could look at them and name the people and animals in them. Erik flew back to Colorado and Arden went back to Van Hook but Casey plays hockey in Minot on Saturday so I’ll go to Van Hook on Friday. Steph said she’d visit Lisa on Saturday and Erik has already booked a flight to come back in February. All of the kids work from home so that makes it easier for them to hang out with us and Lisa. So thankful for all the support and love! One day at a time! You are welcome to share your favorite Lisa phrases or stories!
January 25, 2021 Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — January 25, 2021 Lisa is at Eventide Fargo Room 135 3225 51st St S, Fargo, ND 58104 She loves mail January 25, 2021 Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — January 25, 2021 She loved having her family visit through her window yesterday. She also got to zoom visit with her roommate and staff at Friendship. We watched a little football although if it’s not the Vikings or the Broncos or the Bison she’s not very interested. She’s been feeding herself. I’m sure she misses her beloved Diet Coke but she has to have thickened liquids so no Diet Coke for now. Looking forward to PT, OT and speech therapy this week and thankful every day that they allow these compassion visits. Will put up pictures to make her room homier too. Thank you for your love and support.
January 23, 2021 Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — January 25, 2021 Further update on Lisa: she seems to have her days and nights mixed up. When she’s awake at night she’s pretty restless but likes to hold our hands. I am grateful that they are allowing a compassionate visit once a day even though she’s not on hospice. We stayed with her 24/7 in the hospital but can’t do that here. As is common with stroke patients, she was a little weepy today. Because of her restlessness she is in high traffic areas when we’re not around. Her vision is affected also. She sat in the recliner and we listened to music and danced and are watching Sister Act now. I showed staff and Lisa pictures and videos of Lisa on my I-pad. They are good for staff and also Lisa to see. We made a short video for her siblings and Dad and I will share videos with others as she gets better. As is also typical this is a roller coaster ride of ups and downs but today was an up day so It makes me happy. This picture was taken at Christmas.
Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — January 25, 2021 Update on Lisa. She got moved to Eventide yesterday. No visitors unless she’s on hospice and she can’t have therapies while she’s on hospice so we’re going to try therapies and see how it goes. We know she’s a fighter and surrounded by love and prayers. Talking to staff at Eventide often and they are great. Also 4 out 5 of us have had our first vaccine while the 5th has had Covid so maybe that will help with visitation. Feeling hopeful! She brushed her teeth and combed her hair and was happy and cooperative.
January 21, 2021 Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — January 25, 2021 Update on Lisa....tentative plan to move her to a nursing home tomorrow. Pretty sleepy again today. Got her IV out so she was able to feed herself. Erik arrived today and he’s taking the night shift so I can sleep in my own bed. Steph and Kirsten taking shifts too! So blessed by all of your messages and the support of our friends and family. I wanted to share one of my favorite poems from a book called Bethy and the Mouse by Donald Bakely.
January 18, 2021 It’s been a rough 24 hours for our family as Lisa suffered a stroke yesterday. She is at Essentia hospital in Fargo with right sided weakness and confusion and some difficulty speaking and eating. They discovered that she has Moya Moya disease which is a chronic and progressive condition of the arteries in the brain. People with moyamoya disease have narrowing of these blood vessels that leads to blockages and can eventually cause ischemic stroke, hemorrhagic stroke, and seizures. Her carotid arteries are very narrow and there is danger of another stroke. She is not a good candidate for surgery. She will be going to a nursing home for rehab and may have to move there permanently. We are taking turns staying with her around the clock. We are sad but grateful for the wonderful care she’s receiving and for the staff at CHI Friendship who noticed the changes in her and acted quickly to get her to the ER. We are in awe of how much she has made us all better people and will celebrate each precious day we get to spend with her. Thank you for your prayers and I will try to keep you updated on how she’s doing. Today she was extremely tired and couldn’t wake up enough for PT, OT and speech to do proper evaluations.
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