“Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.” Hebrews 13:2 (NIV) I recently re-read the book Angel Unaware which was written by Dale Evans in the 1950’s. Dale Evans was a singer, actress, writer, speaker and cowgirl who was married to the cowboy singer/actor Roy Rogers. The book is about their daughter, Robin who was born with Down Syndrome. It is told from Robin’s point of view in heaven. Both of my parents loved to read and we were so thankful for the county bookmobile where we could check out books. It stopped at our country school during the school year and stopped in our farmyard in the summer. I think it came every 2 weeks. We would all place the books we had gotten on the kitchen table so Mom could count them and write the number of books on the calendar for when the bookmobile came the next time. Mom was short and after 6 children in 9 years she had bad varicose veins so she often sat on a stool in the kitchen while she worked. She would sit on that stool while she stirred our supper with one hand and held a book in her other hand. I would often ask her what she was reading. I remember her telling me about the book Angel Unaware. I wonder if that influenced me in our decision for Lisa to come into our home? I know we were influenced by the concern of over-population at that time so we had no qualms of accepting a child who was not born to us. Lisa is definitely the work of the Holy Spirit in giving us just the right child (as He did with all of our children) and in giving us a child who gave as much to us as we gave to her. Truly a miracle and a blessing. Lisa continues to struggle with her speech, comprehension and memory. She is content and pain free so we are happy with that. I’ve been in Van Hook for a week but will drive to Fargo tomorrow. I will go to Fargo every 7-10 days throughout the summer. She is so excited to see me or anyone else in the family. Visiting is sporadic for other family members as the facility is on lockdown off and on when a staff person tests positive for Covid. They continue to grant me compassionate visits for which I am thankful. I believe there are many people in our lives who are angels and they are not always recognizable. It’s easy to be friendly or hospitable to those who look like us or to those that we know. But Angels may come in all kinds of disguises. They may be dirty and messy and crude and they may have lessons to teach us and wisdom to impart. I concentrate really hard when Lisa and others with speech impediments talk because I don’t want to miss what they have to say. If you keep your eyes and ears open, there can be a lot of ministering done in a bar or other places where the lost and lonely hang out. Arden is very good at that kind of ministry. He is non-judgmental and loves to hear people’s stories. He has taught me to listen despite appearances or pre-conceived ideas of a person. I wish I had learned this years ago but I guess it’s better late than never! Thank you agai

n for all of the cards and gifts that you are sending to Lisa. She loves getting your mail and looking at the cards. God Bless You!!

PRECIOUS MEMORIES

PRECIOUS MEMORIES…….. I find that one of the hardest things to deal with as I grow older is regrets. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about regrets of when the kids were younger.  Why didn’t I let Steph take violin lessons and figure out where she could get them?  Why didn’t I stay and provide support to Erik when his friend died rather than going to that conference?  Why didn’t we teach our children more about managing money?  Why didn’t I expect Arden to help more?  Did our numerous foster children take away from the time and care for our other children?  Why did I spank Lisa when she wet the bed?  I know that I did the best with what I knew at the time and I would provide grace to others so why can’t I give it to myself and why am I still carrying all of these regrets?  In the light of day, those worries seem ridiculous and even a little funny but they were very real in the middle of the night.  My solution to those worries is to sing hymns of comfort to myself until I fall back asleep. A blessing for Lisa is that she seems to have little memory of the past so she has no regrets. I will show her pictures of her time in Noonan and Crosby and even before her stroke, she showed little recognition of her childhood. Twice, I’ve made her a book on Shutterfly that told of her childhood and she’s thrown the books away. She used to always say that Stanley was her hometown and since the stroke she seems to have little memory of either Van Hook or Stanley. Yesterday she asked about work so I reminded her of her stroke and that she can’t walk so she will probably never work again. Many days I am not sure if she knows who I am other than that nice lady who visits often. My wearing a mask and not wearing my glasses doesn’t help her to recognize me. We look at pictures and reminisce but she doesn’t seem to remember. Is this loss of memory from the dementia or the stroke? I guess it really doesn’t matter. Sometimes, I think that those memories are there but she just doesn’t have the words to ask about them or comment on them. My brother in law is fond of saying “It is what it is” and Lisa will often say “oh well”when I give her some news. The reality is the reason for the name of this blog: THERE’S NEVER BEEN A DAY LIKE THIS DAY TO ME THERE’S NEVER BEEN A DAY LIKE THIS DAY I SEE THERE’S NEVER BEEN A LIGHT THAT SHINES SO BRIGHT AS THIS DAY, THIS GLORIOUS DAY.

Helicopter Parenting

A helicopter parent is a parent who pays extremely close attention to a child's or children's experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions. Helicopter parents are so named because, like helicopters, they "hover overhead", overseeing every aspect of their child's life constantly. Wikipedia Lisa has loved that I helped her with grocery shopping and other shopping. She even used to be able to write a grocery list and list of other things she wanted or needed. But when our shopping was done and groceries were put away, she couldn’t wait for me to leave! As a parent of a disabled adult child, it is hard not to “hover” as we know that they may not have the ability to make good decisions or may not be willing or able to ask for help. Recently our 12 year old granddaughter and some friends were at a hockey tournament in a neighboring city and were given permission to walk to a restaurant and have a meal by themselves. They were able to text their parents with questions and had a great sense of pride and satisfaction and maturity that their parents trusted them to go by themselves and that the experience was a good one. I was so proud of their parents for giving them that learning experience. Lisa learned many things in her independence. She learned how to call for a bus or taxi and how to ask others for help. There were also some scary things that happened. She became violently ill after eating hamburger that wasn’t cooked well enough. She also suffered 2nd degree burns on her legs when she fell asleep laying on the lawn while suntanning. Another time, staff forgot to pick her up at the bus station and she had to walk 2 miles to her apartment late at night. As parents, our biggest frustration was not that these things happened but that we weren’t informed about them until days or weeks later. We know life is risky and we wanted as much independence as possible for Lisa. We just wanted to know when these things happened so we could make sure there were safety protocols in place to prevent them from happening again. There have been a few times since her stroke, that I have sensed that Lisa wants me to leave after I’ve visited for a short while. Although it makes me a little sad, it also gives me a sense of peace as I prepare to go to our lake home which is 5 hours west of Fargo. Ever since her stroke, we’ve realized that I will just be making more trips to Fargo than I usually do in the summer. Steph and Kirsten will also visit more frequently and I am comfortable that staff know Lisa

and her routine now. I won’t be going for a few weeks so we both have time to adjust to the idea. Her emotions are up and down which is common with stroke victims. It was a fun Easter. She was tired and should sleep well tonight.

Changing Seasons March 30, 2021

Changing Seasons It’s nearly April 1st. Spring is here and Easter is on Sunday. As is typical for North Dakota, our weather is erratic. It was in the 70’s yesterday and today it won’t get out of the 30’s. When Lisa was living independently, she didn’t always dress appropriately for the season. Who does when the weather is so changeable? Years ago, she lived in an apartment where they put an alarm on her bed that would shake her bed if the tornado siren went off. This was done because she is hard of hearing and doesn’t wear her hearing aide at night. She hadn’t been interested or concerned about the weather before that but that made her pay attention and if she looked at the newspaper, she always wanted to check the weather. Later, I bought her a digital thermometer with pictures which gave a summary of the weather and showed a girl wearing the appropriate clothes for the temperature. Lisa didn’t like it and I’m not sure why but I would always find it unplugged and stuffed in a drawer someplace. She may have been offended because it was a picture of a girl and not a woman and Lisa was pretty sensitive to being treated as an adult and not a child or she just might not have liked the idea of anyone telling her what to do!! One of the reasons why she was moved out of her independent living apartment was because we found her bare footprints in the snow outside of her apartment. This morning, I went through her clothes that we keep at our house in Fargo and pulled out her spring and summer clothes to take to Eventide so they can label them. I will then pack up some of her winter gear. She used to be so warm blooded but as she’s gotten older, she is often cold so I don’t think she will wear shorts or tank tops like she used to. Anyway, I think the bright pinks, yellows and soft blues will remind her it is spring and brighten her day. Speaking of change, I am transitioning from Caring Bridge to a blog. I have had a blog for a long time but haven’t written in it for years. It’s been resurrected and I’ve copied and pasted the Caring Bridge posts to this blog. I haven’t gotten all of the pictures transferred and I couldn’t copy the comments. Needless to say, the transition is not seamless. The paragraphs and other formatting in the layout has not transferred perfectly and I either don’t have the technical knowledge or energy to figure it out so I apologize!! I do however love the name of the blog: This Day Is Here. When I first heard the song “There’s Never Been a Day Like This Day Before”, I was mesmerized. It had such a catchy tune and the message was spot on….enjoy this day as there will never be another like it. So here’s to change and new things and the promise of Spring!!

March 26, 2021 Life is Messy, Life is Good

Going forward…Life is Messy   Lisa has never liked anything that’s damaged, dirty, scuffed or not working.  In the past, she threw those things away. I remember that she threw away a vacuum cleaner and it probably just needed the bag changed.  She’s also thrown shoes away because the laces were frayed.  That wouldn’t have been so bad but they were $150 specially made orthotic shoes.  I have tried to teach her to ask for help or ask questions before throwing things  but because she doesn’t understand the cost of replacing things, she thinks it’s just easier to throw them.  If I see her picking at a string on a piece of clothing, I know I’d better cut it off or she will throw it.  I think that’s why she likes her hair short and neat.  If it’s getting scraggly, it irritates her.   She also rags on me constantly if my car is dirty!    She’s always been very observant, often the only one who noticed if I’d gotten a haircut or a new shirt. She just likes things orderly and neat and although she often had a messy room, she would notice if I moved something. There was a time that I spent the afternoon, painting an accent wall in her apartment and rearranging her furniture while she was napping. She couldn’t rest though and kept asking if I was done and wasn’t I going home? Anyway I had to run to the hardware store and get something and when I came back she was still in bed but had moved the furniture in the living room while I was gone! Oh, how I would love to have that feisty, opinionated person back.    I’m having a hard time understanding what she says. For several days I thought she was asking about pancakes and I finally figured out she was saying “packing”. I believe that  she recognizes that she’s not in her apartment and would like me to pack so she can go back. Every day I explain to her about her stroke and her inability to walk and that this is her new home now. She says “ok” and is content after that explanation.    In the midst of this pandemic, our daughter in law died of breast cancer, Arden’s mother died and this past week, Arden had surgery to remove his prostate. We’ve  known for two years that he had prostate cancer but it’s a slow growing cancer so most doctors recommend to wait and watch the numbers…PSA and biopsy results. Anyway, 6 weeks ago, he had a biopsy which revealed his cancer had advanced to an intermediate stage. There were lots of options….2 different kinds of radiation therapy and surgery….all of them with good success. Our son in law had prostate cancer and Arden has several relatives who’ve also been on this journey and chosen various options. We are so thankful that they’ve shared their stories with us.  Life is Messy but it is also good, despite the messes. Arden is slowly getting better each day. The doctor says the surgery was highly successful. He spent one night in the hospital and will stay in Fargo until after Easter. His biggest pain (besides me) is shoulder pain which can be a side effect of the gas they use during laparoscopic surgery. We are thankful for your concern and your thoughts and prayers.

March 21, 2021 Shenanigans

Lisa has a shirt that says something about St Patrick’s Day Shenanigans. I forgot to get her picture while she was wearing it! Anyway, I started to think about her shenanigans when she was living independently. As with most kids’ shenanigans, I am probably only aware of a small part of them. She lived independently in Minot and Devils Lake with minimal supervision and they taught her to call and ask for a Senior and Disability bus to come and pick her up and take her to work. I’m sure that’s where she also learned how to call a taxi.  I’ve said before that her writing and reading is her strength. Well math and numbers are her weakness. She just doesn’t get it. Although after we would visit her and maybe go out to eat and then drop her off at her apartment, she would ask “can I have a dollar?” And as the years progressed, she would ask for $10! Anyway, because of her difficulty with numbers, she has always needed help with shopping and paying her bills and she has not had access to her check book. Most places she has lived, they kept her checkbook and other valuables such as her identification cards in a lock box. Well either staff forgot to lock the lock box or she figured out how to get into it because on a Sunday afternoon, she called a taxi and paid the driver with a check and had them take her to Kmart so she could do a little shopping! She paid for her stuff with a check too. When they called to tell me about it, my first question was whether she overdrew her account? She had not so we simply put some things in place so it wouldn’t happen again.  Around this same time, she walked into her neighbors (another developmentally disabled individual) apartment and looked in his freezer and stole his fish sticks! He was mad and called the police. Her staff asked if they could call the police to have them talk to her about not stealing and I said that they sure could but that she had family members who were policemen so she probably wouldn’t fear them. Anyway, the police were called and they talked to her and also put her in the back of their car and took a drive around Minot. Can’t you just see her sitting in the back of the car, riding around Minot and waving at people like she’s in a parade. Oh, Lisa! 

March 14, 2021 Hair!

Since Lisa started getting gray several years ago, she has wanted her hair colored. Although she has worn her hair at different lengths over her lifetime, she has worn it very short for several years now. It’s been a relief that for the last year, she hasn’t cared that her hair is gray. For some odd reason, the staff at the nursing home initially combed her hair straight back but after talking to staff and putting sticky notes above her bed and in her bathroom, they are finally remembering to comb it forward.  On one of her first days of school in Noonan, she took the child scissors and stood over the garbage and cut her bangs. As I came to pick her up, the teacher was horrified that all of the other students rushed to tell me about the haircut before the teacher could. Lisa was mainstreamed into the regular first grade classroom and most of the other students were boys so maybe she was just trying to fit in! Mrs. Lukach was a wonderful teacher and we had a wonderful experience with our oldest child starting school. Then, when Lisa was about 11 and Kirsten was 3, one of them cut both of their bangs. Lisa got the blame for many years until Kirsten confessed to it. I didn’t think that Kirsten could handle scissors at that age.  Anyway, Lisa has always admired different hairstyles and colors so I agreed that she could get her hair colored purple and green a few years ago. Neither one of us realized what a long process it was and it infringed on the supper hour so she got impatient. She also didn’t understand the importance of the right shampoo to preserve the color so it didn’t last long but was sure fun while it lasted.  Isn’t it wonderful that boys can have long hair and girls can have very short hair?  There can be dreadlocks or different colors or styles to express unique personalities and it’s all good. It’s not like the 60’s where school officials sent boys home if their hair touched their collars or where boys were kicked out of their homes for too long hair. I love the different styles and so does Lisa. I often visit Lisa after I’ve been to water aerobics so I don’t usually curl my hair or put on makeup before I visit but one day I visited her on my way to a lunch date and she looked at me and said “you look nice”. It made my day! We can all be like Lisa and give compliments to make someone’s day!