Change

This was a post I made a year ago. So many changes for Lisa (and us) since then. One of my favorite hymns is Abide With Me. I have sang it over and over during difficult times. Some of the words are “change and decay in all around I see. O thou who changest 

not, abide with me.” Lisa continues to be happy and content but we are s-l-o-w-l-y losing her whether it’s due to the stroke or dementia, it doesn’t matter. We just appreciate every day we get to see her smile. 

“ I took Lisa for a recheck on her elbow yesterday and it is healed and she is as fully functional as she will ever be with the arthritis throughout her body. What struck me was how happy and cheerful she was to everyone we met. She wasn’t focused on that she had to wear a mask or that we had to walk quite a bit (for her) from the parking lot to the check in to the ortho clinic and then to X-ray and then back to the ortho clinic and down the long hallway to an exam room. Here’s what she focused on....the housekeeper stocking shelves in the hallway...”how’s your day?”.... the nurse taking her vitals...”I like your shoes”.... and the teeny finger wave she gave another nurse. She doesn’t see size or color or what position they hold. Although she is a 50 year old woman and not a child, she is childlike in her purity, authenticity and spontaneity. There are times in her past when I’ve tried to change her but in my maturity I have learned to just enjoy her for who she is. Everyone should have a Lisa to hang out with! Have a great day! #wearamaskforher”

Going Camping!

 Our family has always loved to go camping. Perhaps it’s because we started our married life in the little town of White Earth ND which was less than an hour from Lake Sakakawea. We started with a borrowed tent and moved up to a tent we bought, then a pop up camper and then a pull behind camper and finally an over the hood pickup camper. We also liked to snowmobile but Lisa does not tolerate cold well so going camping was our go to activity. Camping was fun because we could all be together and it was what we could afford to do. We had to eat whether we stayed home or went camping so the greatest cost was our time in getting ready and cleaning up each week. We went nearly every weekend in the summer while the kids were home. We often went with my sisters and their families. My sisters and I would visit about who would bring and prepare what food for the weekend. There was much laughter and food and of course sunburn and everyone was welcome to camp with us. Lisa had tubes in her ears for most of her childhood so she could sit in the water and splash but couldn’t swim because she had to keep her ears dry. She loved the water and playing in the sand. Of course the kids all had extra treats and pop while we were camping so they loved it. Lisa also enjoyed going to summer camp at various locations. Summer was fun and Lisa loved it! 

To Do Lists

 To Do Lists

 

Today is cool and windy so it’s a good day to check things off my to-do list before fishing and pontooning starts.  There’s also the countdown to our 50^th Anniversary party on June 26^th and our lake home is now 10 years old and in some serious need of care.  I swear that I have been trying to downsize for at least 15 years and with my asthma acting up when there’s dust on all of our stuff, the “to-do” list is long and probably unrealistic. I have always been a list maker and like to check things off as I do them.  Evidently, I passed that trait on to Lisa.  I remember that I started to leave her to do lists in the summer so that her days had some structure and she truly was a big help to me.  Her biggest chores were to empty the dishwasher and later to wash clothes.  

 

I was delighted when I came home from work one day and she had written a to do list for me!! Her room used to be filled with paper lists she had made for others. She made others their grocery lists as well as their to do lists.  I think it is so neat that we raised women who are leaders…we used to say “bossy” but that’s no longer politically correct.  Lisa loved directing others and I would have to remind her that she was not the CEO of the organization but would have to take direction too.  She would get upset when others tried to direct her.  

 

Not everyone has that need or drive to be in control but Lisa certainly does and I love it! It may have been difficult directing those bossy women when they were teenagers but it’s been fun watching them as they mature and direct their own lives. After high school, Lisa lived in Williston for awhile until we decided to move her to Minot.  During the transition, she had to live in Crosby and the transition took longer than any of us wanted.  One day she came into the kitchen and said “Mom, when can I get a life of my own?”  

 

I am grateful to staff who let her look at  the choices on the menu for the day and let her choose her clothing and socks to match. That gives her a little control over her life where she has lost so much control. 

 

So here’s to leaders and to do lists and getting things done.  Be like Lisa!!

 

“We plan the way we live, but only God makes us able to live it.” Proverbs 16:9 

The Message Bible

 

 

 

 

Jokes and Laughter

Years ago, Lisa’s staff and I consulted a psychiatrist to discuss some behavior issues that Lisa was having. The psychiatrist told us that he saw Lisa as someone who loved to have fun and if she didn’t have fun at work or with the everyday chores of life, she might react with bad behavior. He was a wise man and he helped to change our approach with her and indeed her bad behavior went away. Lisa loves to have fun and to joke. It’s so fun to see her laugh until her face is contorted and until she snorts. It’s hard to get her to laugh that hard since her stroke but that doesn’t mean that she has lost her need to have fun. This is one of her favorite jokes and before her stroke she wrote me a note about her love of the “pig story”. A guy found this pig on the side of the road... Not knowing what to do with it, he brought it over to the police station to ask what he should do with it. The policeman tells him to take the pig to the zoo. A couple weeks later the same police officer was on highway patrol and he sees the same guy driving in his convertible with the pig lounging in the passenger seat, wearing a bathing suit and sunglasses. The police officer, pulls the guy over and says, "Hey you! What are you still doing with this pig? I thought I told you to take it to the zoo!" "Well officer," the guy replies, "I did take it to the zoo, and then last weekend I took it to get ice cream, and now I'm taking it to the beach!"

Work

Lisa has tried various jobs throughout her adult life. There’s been a lot of trial and error to find just the right fit for her. We will always have a soft spot for Taco John’s as she’s worked at the one in Williston and also the one in Devils Lake. She worked over the noon rush hour and her job was to sweep the floor and to wipe off tables. She was very focused on her tasks. Customers didn’t really appreciate when she was sweeping and ordered them to “move” as they were putting in their order! When she was in Minot, she worked at a recycling Center for awhile. I don’t think she liked the hours which were 11am to 7pm. She was used to getting home by 4 or 5pm and getting her jammies on and having her evening meal so working until 7 pm did not appeal to her so I think she figured out how to get fired. She deliberately put plastic in the glass bin or glass in the paper bin! Oh, Lisa! Most recently she cleaned at a bar/restaurant before it opened in the morning. I had to pick her up from her job a few times and I was impressed with her work and how she knew how to punch in and out on an I-pad. She was hesitant at first but learned to take pride in her work and love it. Her best job and all of her loyalty went to her job working at a Second hand store in Stanley. She considered the store manager, Nancy, her best friend. They joked and laughed and worked together all day long. Lisa would change out clothes for the season or dust or organize shelves. She always found treasures she wanted and started to sneak things into her bags to take home so we worked out a system for her to set things aside and once a week, Arden or I would look at her treasures and say yes or no to them and buy the ones we said yes to! Sometimes she chose toys for her niece and nephew that were too young for them….she forgot that they were growing up or she would choose clothing of the wrong size or too similar to something she already had. Anyway, she worked there for nearly 10 years and loved every minute. At the end of her day at the second hand store, she had another part time job. A staff person drove her around to businesses and Lisa would hop out and go into the business and get things they wanted to mail out. After they finished their rounds, they would take those items to the post office. One time the driver wondered why Lisa wasn’t coming out of the bank she’d gone into so the staff person went in to investigate. The bank staff had invited Lisa in for cake and ice cream at a birthday party they were having for someone so of course Lisa joined them without letting her driver know! Oh, Lisa! I hope and pray that you can and do have fun at work!

“Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.” Hebrews 13:2 (NIV) I recently re-read the book Angel Unaware which was written by Dale Evans in the 1950’s. Dale Evans was a singer, actress, writer, speaker and cowgirl who was married to the cowboy singer/actor Roy Rogers. The book is about their daughter, Robin who was born with Down Syndrome. It is told from Robin’s point of view in heaven. Both of my parents loved to read and we were so thankful for the county bookmobile where we could check out books. It stopped at our country school during the school year and stopped in our farmyard in the summer. I think it came every 2 weeks. We would all place the books we had gotten on the kitchen table so Mom could count them and write the number of books on the calendar for when the bookmobile came the next time. Mom was short and after 6 children in 9 years she had bad varicose veins so she often sat on a stool in the kitchen while she worked. She would sit on that stool while she stirred our supper with one hand and held a book in her other hand. I would often ask her what she was reading. I remember her telling me about the book Angel Unaware. I wonder if that influenced me in our decision for Lisa to come into our home? I know we were influenced by the concern of over-population at that time so we had no qualms of accepting a child who was not born to us. Lisa is definitely the work of the Holy Spirit in giving us just the right child (as He did with all of our children) and in giving us a child who gave as much to us as we gave to her. Truly a miracle and a blessing. Lisa continues to struggle with her speech, comprehension and memory. She is content and pain free so we are happy with that. I’ve been in Van Hook for a week but will drive to Fargo tomorrow. I will go to Fargo every 7-10 days throughout the summer. She is so excited to see me or anyone else in the family. Visiting is sporadic for other family members as the facility is on lockdown off and on when a staff person tests positive for Covid. They continue to grant me compassionate visits for which I am thankful. I believe there are many people in our lives who are angels and they are not always recognizable. It’s easy to be friendly or hospitable to those who look like us or to those that we know. But Angels may come in all kinds of disguises. They may be dirty and messy and crude and they may have lessons to teach us and wisdom to impart. I concentrate really hard when Lisa and others with speech impediments talk because I don’t want to miss what they have to say. If you keep your eyes and ears open, there can be a lot of ministering done in a bar or other places where the lost and lonely hang out. Arden is very good at that kind of ministry. He is non-judgmental and loves to hear people’s stories. He has taught me to listen despite appearances or pre-conceived ideas of a person. I wish I had learned this years ago but I guess it’s better late than never! Thank you agai

n for all of the cards and gifts that you are sending to Lisa. She loves getting your mail and looking at the cards. God Bless You!!

PRECIOUS MEMORIES

PRECIOUS MEMORIES…….. I find that one of the hardest things to deal with as I grow older is regrets. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about regrets of when the kids were younger.  Why didn’t I let Steph take violin lessons and figure out where she could get them?  Why didn’t I stay and provide support to Erik when his friend died rather than going to that conference?  Why didn’t we teach our children more about managing money?  Why didn’t I expect Arden to help more?  Did our numerous foster children take away from the time and care for our other children?  Why did I spank Lisa when she wet the bed?  I know that I did the best with what I knew at the time and I would provide grace to others so why can’t I give it to myself and why am I still carrying all of these regrets?  In the light of day, those worries seem ridiculous and even a little funny but they were very real in the middle of the night.  My solution to those worries is to sing hymns of comfort to myself until I fall back asleep. A blessing for Lisa is that she seems to have little memory of the past so she has no regrets. I will show her pictures of her time in Noonan and Crosby and even before her stroke, she showed little recognition of her childhood. Twice, I’ve made her a book on Shutterfly that told of her childhood and she’s thrown the books away. She used to always say that Stanley was her hometown and since the stroke she seems to have little memory of either Van Hook or Stanley. Yesterday she asked about work so I reminded her of her stroke and that she can’t walk so she will probably never work again. Many days I am not sure if she knows who I am other than that nice lady who visits often. My wearing a mask and not wearing my glasses doesn’t help her to recognize me. We look at pictures and reminisce but she doesn’t seem to remember. Is this loss of memory from the dementia or the stroke? I guess it really doesn’t matter. Sometimes, I think that those memories are there but she just doesn’t have the words to ask about them or comment on them. My brother in law is fond of saying “It is what it is” and Lisa will often say “oh well”when I give her some news. The reality is the reason for the name of this blog: THERE’S NEVER BEEN A DAY LIKE THIS DAY TO ME THERE’S NEVER BEEN A DAY LIKE THIS DAY I SEE THERE’S NEVER BEEN A LIGHT THAT SHINES SO BRIGHT AS THIS DAY, THIS GLORIOUS DAY.

Helicopter Parenting

A helicopter parent is a parent who pays extremely close attention to a child's or children's experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions. Helicopter parents are so named because, like helicopters, they "hover overhead", overseeing every aspect of their child's life constantly. Wikipedia Lisa has loved that I helped her with grocery shopping and other shopping. She even used to be able to write a grocery list and list of other things she wanted or needed. But when our shopping was done and groceries were put away, she couldn’t wait for me to leave! As a parent of a disabled adult child, it is hard not to “hover” as we know that they may not have the ability to make good decisions or may not be willing or able to ask for help. Recently our 12 year old granddaughter and some friends were at a hockey tournament in a neighboring city and were given permission to walk to a restaurant and have a meal by themselves. They were able to text their parents with questions and had a great sense of pride and satisfaction and maturity that their parents trusted them to go by themselves and that the experience was a good one. I was so proud of their parents for giving them that learning experience. Lisa learned many things in her independence. She learned how to call for a bus or taxi and how to ask others for help. There were also some scary things that happened. She became violently ill after eating hamburger that wasn’t cooked well enough. She also suffered 2nd degree burns on her legs when she fell asleep laying on the lawn while suntanning. Another time, staff forgot to pick her up at the bus station and she had to walk 2 miles to her apartment late at night. As parents, our biggest frustration was not that these things happened but that we weren’t informed about them until days or weeks later. We know life is risky and we wanted as much independence as possible for Lisa. We just wanted to know when these things happened so we could make sure there were safety protocols in place to prevent them from happening again. There have been a few times since her stroke, that I have sensed that Lisa wants me to leave after I’ve visited for a short while. Although it makes me a little sad, it also gives me a sense of peace as I prepare to go to our lake home which is 5 hours west of Fargo. Ever since her stroke, we’ve realized that I will just be making more trips to Fargo than I usually do in the summer. Steph and Kirsten will also visit more frequently and I am comfortable that staff know Lisa

and her routine now. I won’t be going for a few weeks so we both have time to adjust to the idea. Her emotions are up and down which is common with stroke victims. It was a fun Easter. She was tired and should sleep well tonight.

Changing Seasons March 30, 2021

Changing Seasons It’s nearly April 1st. Spring is here and Easter is on Sunday. As is typical for North Dakota, our weather is erratic. It was in the 70’s yesterday and today it won’t get out of the 30’s. When Lisa was living independently, she didn’t always dress appropriately for the season. Who does when the weather is so changeable? Years ago, she lived in an apartment where they put an alarm on her bed that would shake her bed if the tornado siren went off. This was done because she is hard of hearing and doesn’t wear her hearing aide at night. She hadn’t been interested or concerned about the weather before that but that made her pay attention and if she looked at the newspaper, she always wanted to check the weather. Later, I bought her a digital thermometer with pictures which gave a summary of the weather and showed a girl wearing the appropriate clothes for the temperature. Lisa didn’t like it and I’m not sure why but I would always find it unplugged and stuffed in a drawer someplace. She may have been offended because it was a picture of a girl and not a woman and Lisa was pretty sensitive to being treated as an adult and not a child or she just might not have liked the idea of anyone telling her what to do!! One of the reasons why she was moved out of her independent living apartment was because we found her bare footprints in the snow outside of her apartment. This morning, I went through her clothes that we keep at our house in Fargo and pulled out her spring and summer clothes to take to Eventide so they can label them. I will then pack up some of her winter gear. She used to be so warm blooded but as she’s gotten older, she is often cold so I don’t think she will wear shorts or tank tops like she used to. Anyway, I think the bright pinks, yellows and soft blues will remind her it is spring and brighten her day. Speaking of change, I am transitioning from Caring Bridge to a blog. I have had a blog for a long time but haven’t written in it for years. It’s been resurrected and I’ve copied and pasted the Caring Bridge posts to this blog. I haven’t gotten all of the pictures transferred and I couldn’t copy the comments. Needless to say, the transition is not seamless. The paragraphs and other formatting in the layout has not transferred perfectly and I either don’t have the technical knowledge or energy to figure it out so I apologize!! I do however love the name of the blog: This Day Is Here. When I first heard the song “There’s Never Been a Day Like This Day Before”, I was mesmerized. It had such a catchy tune and the message was spot on….enjoy this day as there will never be another like it. So here’s to change and new things and the promise of Spring!!

March 26, 2021 Life is Messy, Life is Good

Going forward…Life is Messy   Lisa has never liked anything that’s damaged, dirty, scuffed or not working.  In the past, she threw those things away. I remember that she threw away a vacuum cleaner and it probably just needed the bag changed.  She’s also thrown shoes away because the laces were frayed.  That wouldn’t have been so bad but they were $150 specially made orthotic shoes.  I have tried to teach her to ask for help or ask questions before throwing things  but because she doesn’t understand the cost of replacing things, she thinks it’s just easier to throw them.  If I see her picking at a string on a piece of clothing, I know I’d better cut it off or she will throw it.  I think that’s why she likes her hair short and neat.  If it’s getting scraggly, it irritates her.   She also rags on me constantly if my car is dirty!    She’s always been very observant, often the only one who noticed if I’d gotten a haircut or a new shirt. She just likes things orderly and neat and although she often had a messy room, she would notice if I moved something. There was a time that I spent the afternoon, painting an accent wall in her apartment and rearranging her furniture while she was napping. She couldn’t rest though and kept asking if I was done and wasn’t I going home? Anyway I had to run to the hardware store and get something and when I came back she was still in bed but had moved the furniture in the living room while I was gone! Oh, how I would love to have that feisty, opinionated person back.    I’m having a hard time understanding what she says. For several days I thought she was asking about pancakes and I finally figured out she was saying “packing”. I believe that  she recognizes that she’s not in her apartment and would like me to pack so she can go back. Every day I explain to her about her stroke and her inability to walk and that this is her new home now. She says “ok” and is content after that explanation.    In the midst of this pandemic, our daughter in law died of breast cancer, Arden’s mother died and this past week, Arden had surgery to remove his prostate. We’ve  known for two years that he had prostate cancer but it’s a slow growing cancer so most doctors recommend to wait and watch the numbers…PSA and biopsy results. Anyway, 6 weeks ago, he had a biopsy which revealed his cancer had advanced to an intermediate stage. There were lots of options….2 different kinds of radiation therapy and surgery….all of them with good success. Our son in law had prostate cancer and Arden has several relatives who’ve also been on this journey and chosen various options. We are so thankful that they’ve shared their stories with us.  Life is Messy but it is also good, despite the messes. Arden is slowly getting better each day. The doctor says the surgery was highly successful. He spent one night in the hospital and will stay in Fargo until after Easter. His biggest pain (besides me) is shoulder pain which can be a side effect of the gas they use during laparoscopic surgery. We are thankful for your concern and your thoughts and prayers.

March 21, 2021 Shenanigans

Lisa has a shirt that says something about St Patrick’s Day Shenanigans. I forgot to get her picture while she was wearing it! Anyway, I started to think about her shenanigans when she was living independently. As with most kids’ shenanigans, I am probably only aware of a small part of them. She lived independently in Minot and Devils Lake with minimal supervision and they taught her to call and ask for a Senior and Disability bus to come and pick her up and take her to work. I’m sure that’s where she also learned how to call a taxi.  I’ve said before that her writing and reading is her strength. Well math and numbers are her weakness. She just doesn’t get it. Although after we would visit her and maybe go out to eat and then drop her off at her apartment, she would ask “can I have a dollar?” And as the years progressed, she would ask for $10! Anyway, because of her difficulty with numbers, she has always needed help with shopping and paying her bills and she has not had access to her check book. Most places she has lived, they kept her checkbook and other valuables such as her identification cards in a lock box. Well either staff forgot to lock the lock box or she figured out how to get into it because on a Sunday afternoon, she called a taxi and paid the driver with a check and had them take her to Kmart so she could do a little shopping! She paid for her stuff with a check too. When they called to tell me about it, my first question was whether she overdrew her account? She had not so we simply put some things in place so it wouldn’t happen again.  Around this same time, she walked into her neighbors (another developmentally disabled individual) apartment and looked in his freezer and stole his fish sticks! He was mad and called the police. Her staff asked if they could call the police to have them talk to her about not stealing and I said that they sure could but that she had family members who were policemen so she probably wouldn’t fear them. Anyway, the police were called and they talked to her and also put her in the back of their car and took a drive around Minot. Can’t you just see her sitting in the back of the car, riding around Minot and waving at people like she’s in a parade. Oh, Lisa! 

March 14, 2021 Hair!

Since Lisa started getting gray several years ago, she has wanted her hair colored. Although she has worn her hair at different lengths over her lifetime, she has worn it very short for several years now. It’s been a relief that for the last year, she hasn’t cared that her hair is gray. For some odd reason, the staff at the nursing home initially combed her hair straight back but after talking to staff and putting sticky notes above her bed and in her bathroom, they are finally remembering to comb it forward.  On one of her first days of school in Noonan, she took the child scissors and stood over the garbage and cut her bangs. As I came to pick her up, the teacher was horrified that all of the other students rushed to tell me about the haircut before the teacher could. Lisa was mainstreamed into the regular first grade classroom and most of the other students were boys so maybe she was just trying to fit in! Mrs. Lukach was a wonderful teacher and we had a wonderful experience with our oldest child starting school. Then, when Lisa was about 11 and Kirsten was 3, one of them cut both of their bangs. Lisa got the blame for many years until Kirsten confessed to it. I didn’t think that Kirsten could handle scissors at that age.  Anyway, Lisa has always admired different hairstyles and colors so I agreed that she could get her hair colored purple and green a few years ago. Neither one of us realized what a long process it was and it infringed on the supper hour so she got impatient. She also didn’t understand the importance of the right shampoo to preserve the color so it didn’t last long but was sure fun while it lasted.  Isn’t it wonderful that boys can have long hair and girls can have very short hair?  There can be dreadlocks or different colors or styles to express unique personalities and it’s all good. It’s not like the 60’s where school officials sent boys home if their hair touched their collars or where boys were kicked out of their homes for too long hair. I love the different styles and so does Lisa. I often visit Lisa after I’ve been to water aerobics so I don’t usually curl my hair or put on makeup before I visit but one day I visited her on my way to a lunch date and she looked at me and said “you look nice”. It made my day! We can all be like Lisa and give compliments to make someone’s day! 

March 8, 2021 Communication

We all communicate in different ways….words, writing, body language, facial expressions or maybe by our silence.  In the past, Lisa’s strength has been her written communication. When her speech was difficult to understand, we could ask her to write it and could often tell what she wanted from her writing.  Even before her stroke, she was losing her ability to write and can barely write her name anymore. She does however continue to read even though I’m not sure of her comprehension.  I help her to open the cards and gifts that you send her because it’s hard to open things with one hand but she always grabs the card and reads it.  At every meal, they give her a menu card where she makes her choices and she loves to read what’s on the menu.   Arden has said that he thinks sometimes I know Lisa better than Lisa knows Lisa.    When she says “pop”, I know that she wants a Diet Coke.  She doesn’t say “may I have a Diet Coke?” Or “Can you get me a Diet Coke?”, she simply says pop or soda or coke and I know that’s what she wants.  Lately she has had some frustration and is having a hard time telling staff what she wants.  She indicates that she wants to lie down and 10 minutes later she wants to get up,  She wants her blanket on and then she wants her blanket off.  She’s not sleeping as much and she’s restless, possibly bored. She doesn’t know how to use a call light so she hollers for staff which can be upsetting to other residents.  It is hard for staff to understand what she wants and I am having trouble understanding her also.  Sometimes she says that she is having a hard day and cries.      Sometimes her words come out as a word salad………which refers to  random words or phrases linked together in an often unintelligible manner. Often, we are unable to understand the meaning or purpose of the phrase. She said “van” to me this last week after we had taken a van to her appointment and I asked her if she wanted to go for another van ride and she said yes.  Another time she said a phrase “different arrangements” that came out of nowhere and I had no clue what she wanted.  Many times she simply cannot find the right word to say.  Her cousin Ashley visited this weekend and although Lisa couldn’t say who she was, hours later when I visited her she said “How’s Ashley?”   Echolalia is another thing that she does.  It is the unsolicited echoing of what another person says.  For instance I will be talking about Kirsten and Joey’s dog, Bailey whom she loves and she will repeat “Bailey”.  So if staff ask her “are you upset?” And she repeats “I am upset” is she really or is she just repeating something that she heard? Especially because being upset is not  a term she’s used much in the past.  Today, she wanted to go outside so we did and she said “car” and I said I walked so my car wasn’t there. I asked her if she wanted to go for a ride and she said yes. I said she has to walk or at least stand before she can go in the car. So we visited the therapy department and they said I could encourage her to lift her weak leg as often as possible. We went back to her room and after she lifted her leg three times she looked at me with a grin and said “car”? When I said that I couldn’t get her into the car she said “father”. So communicating can be a big puzzle right now which is not unusual for people who’ve had a stroke or for people with dementia.  We are going to try a communication board which has pictures of common things so she can tell us if she is hungry or thirsty or lonely etc.  I am hopeful that this will work especially because we think she can still read. Communication is so important and we can’t read other peoples minds…we can only guess at what they are trying to say and ask more questions. 

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March 03, 2021 Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎March‎ ‎03‎, ‎2021 A new month and spring-like weather is helping everyone’s mood. It’s time to break out the bikes. I took my first bike ride today and it was glorious. Our house is exactly a mile from Eventide and there’s a great walking and bike path that takes me almost to the door of Eventide. We never considered that Lisa couldn’t ride a bike. We taught all of our kids to ride on the grass so if they fell, they fell where it was soft. I don’t remember that it took her any longer than the other kids to get the hang of it. I also don’t remember using training wheels much. She LOVED riding her bike both around Noonan or in Crosby. I’m not sure how aware she was of traffic and we told her to stay off Main Street but who knows if she followed our rules! One time when we went to church on Sunday morning, someone said to me that it was nice to see Lisa at the wedding reception last night. I hadn’t gone to the wedding as it wasn’t someone that I knew well but it seems that Lisa was out riding bike and saw that there were cars at the church. In her mind I’m sure she thought that if there are people at the church, there is food! So she parked her bike and went in and stood in line for cake and punch. I’m sure she was dirty and sweaty from riding bike and she probably gave the bride and groom hugs too! It will be nice to get her outside on these nice days too. She’s doing well. We played a game of Go Fish and when I asked her whose birthday is in March she told me “Stephie”. They may try to get her to stand in therapy again this week. Please pray that she is willing to give it a try. I couldn’t find any pictures of her riding bike but I did find some of her at a Special Olympics track event. She doesn’t like heights so wanted to sit instead of stand on the podium. I’m glad there’s no pictures of me because I was 8 1/2 months pregnant with Kirsten and I was running along the sidelines cheering her on! March 01, 2021 Lisa’s Father and other men in her life Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎March‎ ‎01‎, ‎2021 10 years ago, I was watching the show Parenthood where a young boy finds out he has Asperger's and asks his parents what it is. I am reminded of one time when Lisa asked us what Down Syndrome was. I was speechless but Arden said that Down Syndrome was kinda like being bald, you have to live with it but it really doesn't matter much!! I don’t know why but Lisa calls her Dad “Father” and not Dad. I think she likes to hear the word like she likes to hear the word cousin. He loves to tease her and she loves it too. Lisa loves to hang out with guys. We all remember the time she was showing us her apartment and she asked all of us to leave except for her brother in law, Jodi aka Joey! Over the last few weeks, she consistently asks about Jodi and her other brother in law, Brad rather than her sisters! When she first got to Eventide, they asked me if she was ok with male caregivers and I said that was no problem at all. In the last few years she has been hardest hit by male peers who have died. She got a haircut this morning. It sure is convenient that there’s a beauty shop right at Eventide. She got a little impatient as the cut was right before lunch and she was worried that she might miss her lunch. She is talking again about going “home” and I told her that she would have to work hard at exercising and walking before she could leave Eventide.

February 25, 2021 Life is Good Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎February‎ ‎25‎, ‎2021 Lisa had a recheck with neurology today. They are pleased that her facial drooping is less and that her speech and understanding are coming back. She is to continue on the blood thinners of plavix and baby aspirin and no need for rescans or rechecks unless there are significant changes. She says she's fine and has no pain. She was very sleepy this morning so they suggested that her anti anxiety med she’s been on for years be given at night instead of the morning. The Eventide Van provided transportation which was wonderful. Essentia Hospital was very busy with many transport vans and other traffic. Because Eventide has had no Covid cases, 2 people may visit in her room starting on Monday. Arden came to Fargo so we are excited to go to see Casey play in the squirt international hockey tournament. Lisa has never cared much for hockey because she gets so cold. So thankful that it’s been warmer so it was easier to take Lisa out for her appointment. Brought soup over to Kirsten’s family this evening and hope to make it to Mayville tomorrow evening after hockey. This has been a week of getting to a new normal. The weather is nicer so I’ve been able to walk outside and because I’ve had my second vaccine, I started back to water aerobics. Life is different but it’s still good.

February 23, 2021 MOM, Are you boring? Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎February‎ ‎23‎, ‎2021 Many years ago after a long day and probably a long week at work, Lisa looked at my exhausted face and said “Mom, are you boring?”Instead of saying bored she said boring and I said that yes, I was sure that I was boring!! Staff and I have worked and brainstormed for ideas so that Lisa does not get bored. Prior to her stroke, she would spend her days doing WordSearch, listening to music, doing laundry, re-arranging her room, watching wheel of fortune and the weather and visiting with her roommate. Her days were full for her and she never complained of boredom. Prior to Covid she worked and went to the workshop every day. I would take her to appointments which were usually followed by a trip to Dairy Queen. She also would come to our house or to Kirsten’s or Steph’s house for family gatherings. Every day I am grateful that I am allowed these compassionate visits. I usually stop in twice a day and am able to answer her questions, help her with her mail and we look at pictures and reminisce. She is sleeping a lot less now which is good. FOr the most part she seems content despite the fact that she is no longer able to do Word Search or concentrate on TV. She loves to wave at or “high five” staff as they pass by. I’m not sure if she would be able to pick out and play the cd’s of her choice or If she would know what buttons to push like she used to. I usually let her pick the CD and play it for her. She has enjoyed Bingo but the poor activities staff do mostly 1-1 things with people and can’t have many group activities because of Covid. They are trying their best. I am acutely aware of how much the other residents must miss regular visits from their family so today I brought my keyboard over and played some music for everyone in the dining room before supper. I don’t think Lisa was impressed because it wasn’t her kind of music but a couple of the other residents asked when I was coming back. As long as I am there anyway and when they can’t have visitors, I might as well do what I can to make their days less boring too. I hope you have hobbies and activities that you enjoy because I would sure hate to find out that you are boring too!!

  February 21, 2021. Caregivers Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎February‎ ‎21‎, ‎2021 I have been taking care of my 2 geriatric grand dogs this weekend and loving it! There have been no accidents and they sleep well at night so it’s been great to have their company. Taking care of them led me to think of what a sacred calling caregiving is. In my 35 years in long term care, I never once felt like leaving the profession. I was right where I wanted to be. Caregivers are a special breed. For the most part, they are selfless and give until it hurts. They come in on their days off, they dress up to bring some fun to the residents. They bring their kids and pets in to visit when they can. They skip lunch or coffee breaks. They help out their coworkers. I’m so happy to see signs and banners recognizing and applauding caregivers this year. It’s been neat to see Arden as a Certified Nursing Assistant these last few years. His mother and the residents he takes for appointments love his conversation and caring. Thank you to him and all those who accepted that call. Back to my grand dogs....One is blind. One is deaf. One is white. One is black. One is little. One is huge. One has a quiet bark or growl. One does not! It doesn’t matter, I love them both. And I think that’s true for caregivers....they keep on keeping on because they love what they do and don’t care about size or color or noise! Lisa giggled when she saw what I was wearing today. She hasn’t really engaged with or watched TV this last month and she usually takes a long nap in the afternoon but I warned staff that if she should happen to notice the Bison game, they might hear her cheering loudly! Go Bison!

February 19, 2021 Beauty in Ordinary Things Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎February‎ ‎19‎, ‎2021 Now more than ever, I so appreciate the ordinary things in my day

Frost on trees

Green lights all the way to the mall

A snoring dog on my lap

A return to water aerobics

Good roads and little traffic on a 5 hour drive

An interesting and thought provoking audiobook

The perfect decorative pillow for my bed

A nutritious meal

And for Lisa Singing karaoke with Mom

Diet Coke Reece’s Pieces Cards from friends and family

Staff who take the time to give me a high five

A Bison football game

A long nap

February 16, 2021 Cousins Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎February‎ ‎16‎, ‎2021 Lisa often talks about her cousins. I think she is fascinated by the word. When I last visited her, I listed all of the cousins I thought I would see. One year before Christmas, she brought a present that she had labeled for her “cousin”. I told her she had a lot of cousins so she would have to decide which cousin the present was for and she finally decided on Carla. Another time when staff were helping her grocery shop, she bought a pumpkin pie to take to Grandmas. She was SO proud to contribute to the meal. She would run around the yard hunting for Easter eggs with her Eide cousins or run around the farm with her Anderson cousins. I’ve included a picture of the cousins who were at their Grandmas funeral....only 3 were missing and a picture from a Christmasin the 1980’s. Another picture is of a newsletter I wrote to staff about Lisa. Both Arden and I had a lot of cousins when we were growing up and have a lot of precious memories with them. Cousins are forever friends whose hearts are bound together by the love of a family. They stay together, play together, dream together, scheme together. They know the same family secrets and tell the best family jokes. Sometimes they even share the same name, the same smile, the same freckles, the same laugh. Cousins love to get together at holiday time or anytime....for when grownups are busy ‘catching up’ cousins are busy ‘building up’ a store of memories —sure to last a LIFETIME! (Stolen off google with no author named)

  February 15, 2021. WORDS MATTER Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎February‎ ‎15‎, ‎2021 As we prepare for Lisa’s Grandma’s celebration of life, we’ve been looking through pictures and other things. Several years ago, we got a cell phone for Marian and Arnold when he was going through cancer treatments. Arden taught them how to use it and said he would like them to call him after his cancer treatment was finished and before they started their 90 mile trip home. Up until a couple of weeks before her death, Marian would still call Arden on the cell phone. One of the things she insisted on doing was sending him some money each month to pay for the cell phone. It was great when she started to include little notes in the envelope with the money for the cell phone. Now neither Arden’s parents nor my parents were particularly demonstrative with hugs or by saying that they loved us. They showed their love by providing food and clothing and shelter for us and by going to their jobs so they could provide for us. They arranged for fun picnics and outings, ponies and bikes and pets and time with cousins. They just didn’t hug or say I love you much. That is why it is so cool that Arden’s mother started writing these notes. Lisa has been a prolific writer. Her strength was in her writing. I would often tell staff that when they couldn’t understand what she was saying, they should ask her to write it and she did! I’m including a special note she sent to me after Valentine’s Day many years ago. I know many of you who are reading this have been the recipient of her notes. Even before her stroke, her writing was becoming less and less. I miss those notes and will forever cherish the ones I saved. A couple of years ago, I had a greeting on a card from our parents inscribed on key chains for my siblings and I. Those words are precious and lasting! In this day of twitter and texts, people don’t often realize how their words are saved forever and can be used for or against them in the future. I hope our written and spoken words are encouraging and kind for others. We can learn from Lisa.

February 13, 2021 Compassion and Understanding Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎February‎ ‎13‎, ‎2021 Lisa is a very compassionate person. Because her developmental age is about age 4 or 5, her thoughts are often self centered but she has a keen sense of others moods and emotions. As I’ve visited her these last few days so that I could provide comfort to her in her loss, we’ve reminisced about Grandma and she’s seen my tears and she’s ended up comforting me! A hard thing for Lisa to understand is divorce. Most of the time, when there is a divorce, the in-law (or outlaw) is no longer a part of the family and not at family functions and she asks about them over and over again! Most of the time, there is resentment of that person over the perceived wrongs that they have done to hurt the beloved family member so I try to hush her up. Sometimes people not understanding her speech is a good thing! I think part of the reason that Lisa has trouble understanding it is because she doesn’t hold a grudge and she has a hard time seeing the bad in others. Anyway, I have solved this dilemma by telling her ahead of time that there’s been a divorce and asking and reminding her not to ask about that person. That solution has worked pretty well. I explained to her that I would say “hi” to all the cousins and aunts and uncles at the funeral and that we would surely take her along if she were not sick. I told her that everyone would miss her. I won’t be able to visit her for a few days so I won’t provide an update. She is pretty stable. She still sleeps a lot. I am so grateful for the good care she’s receiving. Thank you again for all of the Valentines and all of the condolences. When life slows down, I will try to catch up on thank yous. It’s weird that my mother died 11 years ago at this same time. Lisa wrote a poem about my mother that I will post with the pictures. One of the pictures was about 1981 at Grandma and Grandpa Eide’s on Christmas Eve. Lisa is in the striped sweater on the left. There are a lot of precious memories of times with the Eide cousins at Grandma and Grandpas.

February 11, 2021 Love is all you need! Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎February‎ ‎11‎, ‎2021 We have a friend who cared for his wife through the long journey of dementia. His posts before and after she died have always ended with “Love is all you need”. It’s so simple and SO true. As you might guess, Lisa’s favorite hymn is Jesus Loves Me this I Know! Also so simple but SO true! We tend to complicate things and I love Lisa’s example to keep things simple. Arden got his first chance to see Lisa since she was admitted to Eventide and he was happy to hear that her voice is stronger and her vision is better and she waved off his teasing as she always does. It’s been a blessing to have Erik here this week too. We’re just enjoying the simple things such as having pizza with the kids and doing our taxes......wait, wait that is NOT enjoyable as we couldn’t find a key piece that we needed!! Anyway, back to love...this year, we will reach our 50th Anniversary and this guy, this guy who cares for and about others much more than he cares about his own wants and needs, who has always taken care of his family and friends and neighbors, this guy has truly shown how amazing he is. He has visited his mother nearly every day, arranged for Visiting Angels so she could stay at home as long as possible and sat by her bedside for hours at a time. He has used his CNA training more than he would like to but done it without complaint and I am thankful that I am married to him. His mother died last night at the Tioga Medical Center so we are grateful for time with family. We told Lisa of her Grandma’s death this morning and she said “how’s heaven?”. I told her that I thought heaven has wine coolers and Diet Coke and country music and dancing all day long and that Grandma is no longer in pain or forgetful or old. I said that heaven is amazing and Lisa just smiled. Love is all we need!

  February 9, 2021 Hugs Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎February‎ ‎09‎, ‎2021 Lisa gives and gets the best hugs. During this time of Covid it’s been hard to restrain her from giving hugs. I popped in to visit her this morning as she was finishing her oatmeal. She said that she slept well and she gave me a giant hug when I left. It felt SO good. The Surprising Health Benefits of a Simple Hug Why you need to hug someone todayHugging does more than just make you feel good in the moment. Research shows that hugging may also help reduce stress and lower your risk of anxiety, depression and illness. Hugs may even help you heal. Need a reason to hug someone today? Consider what a simple hug can do: •Helps you feel connected. Hugging helps connect you to others and can reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation. A lack of social connection has been linked to lower survival rates in people with coronary artery disease. Other psychological factors that may be positively impacted by hugging, such as stress, anxiety and depression, may also be risk factors for heart disease. •Can lower stress. Being hugged can reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Stress can wreak havoc on your health, especially over the long-term. Uncontrolled stress can contribute to heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes and obesity. It can also compromise your immune system. Finding ways to reduce stress will benefit your health. •May help you avoid getting sick. Stress can increase your risk of getting a cold, and by reducing stress, hugging makes it less likely you’ll get sick. A study at Carnegie Mellon University found that people who felt more social support and received more hugs were less likely to get a cold, and even if they did, their symptoms were less severe. •Triggers the release of oxytocin. Higher levels of oxytocin can cause stress hormones and heart rate to drop. A study done at the University of North Carolina found that premenopausal women who got more frequent hugs had higher levels of oxytocin and lower blood pressure than participants who didn’t get as many hugs. •Releases tension in the body. When you hug someone, it relaxes muscles, increases circulation and releases endorphins in your body. This can reduce tension and may even help soothe aches and pains. •Elevates your mood. Hugging can also increase levels of dopamine and serotonin, which can boost your mood and relieve symptoms of depression. (Pihhealth.org)

February 8, 2021. Moving Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎February‎ ‎08‎, ‎2021 Lisa moved out of her Medicare rehab room today. Staff made light work of the move and it happened quickly. Her new room is very similar to her old one but it has a much better view. It looks directly across at Scheels arena so anyone driving on 32nd Avenue can honk or wave at her! I will put a big red heart in her window! It was interesting to visit with the maintenance person who said he didn’t get much notice of the move and was busy programming the TV and patching a nail hole in the wall from the previous occupant. He apologized for being rushed, I told him that he and others like him are my heroes and that a good maintenance person is worth their weight in gold. I told him that I know that these room moves are often like dominoes...one move triggers another and another. So grateful for staff who try to find compatible living arrangements for all of the residents and then for all of those that make the moves happen. There’s a lot of behind the scenes work that goes into these moves. A fun and funny fact about Lisa is that she loves to move!! As I would drive her to appointments, she would point out different apartment buildings thinking she might like to move! She also loves to re-arrange her room and would often do it weekly!! Her bed in her last apartment was not heavy so she could try it out in different places. She didn’t like to ask for help and her room wasn’t very big and you never knew how she would rearrange her furniture. Since the focus in the rehab unit was therapy, they didn’t have as many activities so there will be more for her to do and more people to see and visit with in her new room. It will take a few days for her to get to know the new staff and for them to get to know her but overall, this was a good move.

  February 7, 2021. Emotions Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎February‎ ‎07‎, ‎2021 After a stroke, survivors often experience emotional and behavioral changes. The reason is simple. Stroke impacts the brain, and the brain controls our behavior and emotions. You or your loved one may experience feelings of irritability, forgetfulness, carelessness or confusion. (Stroke.org) This morning when I stopped in to see Lisa, she was crying. Crying is very unusual for her. In the 45+ years that I’ve known her, her chief emotion is joy and happiness. Maybe once a year, I would see her cry and that was usually when she wasn’t feeling well. She would occasionally show anger when she thought someone stole her socks or if someone was teasing her about taking her food or if she didn’t get her way. Occasionally she would show remorse and say that she was sorry but generally she has been a very happy and content person. She had friends and play dates when she was younger but she really preferred to be alone....listening to music, playing in her play store, writing or riding her bike. So it is upsetting to her (and us) when she is sad. After I explained to her about her stroke again and told her that we love and support her no matter what and took her to her room where I held her hand, she quieted down and said “I’m sorry”. I told her that she had nothing to be sorry about and that we loved her so much and are so proud of her and that everything is ok. I told her she would probably feel better after lunch and a nap and she did. She helped to pick out her outfit to wear while she watched the Super Bowl and staff said they would change her clothes after her nap. Staff also think that she may be bored and I agree. She can’t ride around and explore the Center in the wheelchair and because of Covid there are no group activities like music or church or bingo. She can’t concentrate on TV or her WordSearch like she used to either. One day at a time as we navigate the ups and downs. Thanks again for your prayers and support.

February 6, 2021 Sports loving family Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎February‎ ‎06‎, ‎2021 I thought I would show you some fun pictures of Lisa. We have many precious memories of fun times with Lisa and look forward to making more of them. We especially enjoy watching sports on TV...it is truly an experience to watch Lisa screaming while watching football! She’s not a big fan of hockey because she doesn’t enjoy the cold but has enjoyed fishing. She would much rather attend a country music concert or sporting event than get dressed up but I did sneak in a picture of her going to the prom with her Dad. I was at hockey games today but popped in to see her a couple of times....she’s adjusting to her new normal and seems content. Stay safe, stay warm and enjoy the Super Bowl!

February 5, 2021 Therapy Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎February‎ ‎05‎, ‎2021 It’s hard (if not impossible) to motivate someone else. When Lisa had her knees replaced, we faced the challenge of her accepting therapy to increase her strength and range of motion in her knees. Lisa lives in the moment. She has a hard time thinking about the future and can’t see the value in working now for a benefit in the future. She especially can’t understand why she should endure pain or discomfort for any reason. I tried to talk to her today about working hard so that she can learn to walk again. I talked about how fun it would be to go to a barbecue at Kirsten’s or how fun it would be to go to Steph’s farm at Mayville. The easiest way to do that is if we can pivot transfer her into our vehicles but she doesn’t understand that. Of course we could hire a van transport to take her to Kirstens but if she has to go to the bathroom we would have to go back to Eventide. She currently needs 2 people and a mechanical lift to take her to the bathroom. So my dream is that she would be motivated to work hard in therapy but the reality is that we may only be able to visit her at Eventide and she may never be able to go out. That’s hard to accept when she has been such a fun and vital part of family gatherings. They do have lovely outside courtyards at Eventide where we can gather in the summer but it’s just not the same. Of course in her current state of exhaustion, it’s hard for her to have enthusiasm for anything so we will just continue to enjoy the moments when she is awake and engaged. Erik is here from Colorado for 10 days so that will be fun for her (and him). I am so glad that she doesn’t have to go out in this frigid weather. She continues to enjoy all of your cards and gifts. Thank you again….I’m not sure if I will get pm’s sent to everyone who has sent a card or gift but I’m trying. The staff say that they don’t know of anyone who has received as many cards and gifts as she has.

February 4, 2021. ROUTINES Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎February‎ ‎04‎, ‎2021 Lisa loves routine. Most people who know those with Down Syndrome, know that is true. I deliberately tried to shake up Lisa’s routine when she was younger so that she wouldn’t get stuck in a rut. I remember one time I announced that it was supper and Lisa wanted to put on her shoes before she came to supper and I said that she could just come and eat in her stocking feet. She was not happy with me! She also was used to ALWAYS taking a shower each morning and the only way she would be willing to change that routine was to know about it way ahead of time. If she had an early morning appointment, I would tell her the evening before to take a bath or shower as we wouldn’t have time in the morning. Then she would be fine with the change in routine. She’s always been particular about her meal times and does not think it is funny to tease her about food. One time we were at a lunch after a funeral and the priest came over with a big smile to visit with her as she walked to her place with her plate. She was not happy as she thought that the priest was going to try to steal her plate as her Uncle George would often do!! Anyway, our meal times are often irregular at the lake because we might be out on the pontoon or playing on the beach so I just need to tell her ahead of time that our evening meal would be at 8 and not 6 but she could sure have a snack to tide her over if she needed it. Also if we were driving to Minot and I realized that we wouldn’t get there right at noon, I had to warn her that our noon meal would be late. She would be fine but also would check her watch or the clock in the car frequently. I just needed to tell her ahead of time that her routine would be altered. That was life with Lisa before. She’s not as aware of time and routine after the stroke. Needless to say my routine is greatly altered since she’s been sick and also since COVID but I am gradually developing a new normal. Since retirement, I have hated being rushed. Seems like I spent so much of my earlier years with deadlines and appointments and rushing, rushing from one thing to another. Retirement has been heaven and I’m so glad to have the time to leisurely get ready for the day and to plan my and Lisa’s appointments so we won’t be rushed. Anyway, today is the first day in about two weeks that I’ve remembered to take my vitamins and although I’ve prided myself on healthy eating 80% of the time, these last two weeks have been mostly ice cream or fast food…my exercise has also been sporadic. I got an Apple Watch in August and it shows that I get some kind of exercise 24-26 days each month and I love how it makes me feel. I also love listening to audiobooks while I walk or exercise. I am giving myself grace in the eating and exercising area but also crave the routine of it and how it makes me feel. Isn’t it funny how routine is both the boon and the bane of our lives? Love you all and thanks for the support and love and prayers!! She was awake and sassy this morning…getting ready for Valentines Day with a soft blanket from Jo and Mike Stefonowicz and a teddy bear from Kal and Tami Njos! Thank you!

February 3, 2021. Eat Dessert First! Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎February‎ ‎03‎, ‎2021 Lisa had a good day. She loved having pancakes and sausage for breakfast. She pointed at shoes before going to PT as she wanted to wear them. She stood twice in parallel bars with help. She will however go off Medicare A next week because of her reluctance to participate most days and lack of progress. I asked if her arm was sore after her vaccine and she said no I'm fine. Smiling and definitely happy to see Steph and I. Had her first care conference too and we ended it because she pretty much told us to...shooing us out of her room! It was good to see that in her as she would often get bored and tired of all the talking at our Friendship meetings too. I stopped in with her Diet Coke before supper. It looked delicious! So grateful for the staff and the care she’s getting!

  February 2, 2021 Snow Days Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎February‎ ‎02‎, ‎2021 We have had a mild winter so far. There’s a little more snow in Fargo than Van Hook but overall a decent winter. As I watched the weather hit the East coast of the US this week, I was reminded of a few weeks ago when I was driving Lisa to an appointment. I told her it was supposed to snow and be windy the next day and she squealed “Oh a snow day!” I laughed because she has had nothing but snow days since COVID hit and she’s loved it! She’s loved being in her pajamas and staying home. Although she’s gone to work sporadically, she’s mostly been home. She was content with her music or TV, Diet Coke and candy and WordSearch puzzles. Someone else shopped and cooked for her. Sounds like the perfect life to me! She was pretty sleepy this morning so it’s hard for therapy to work with her. She got her second COVID vaccine and then a long nap. She was wide awake this afternoon so we watched the weather and talked about the Super Bowl. Thanks again for all of the cards and gifts. They are heartwarming for Lisa and her family! Tomorrow we will have her care conference with the different disciplines.

February 1, 2021 Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎February‎ ‎01‎, ‎2021 Just an ordinary day in our new normal Meals, therapy, naps, opening mail, Diet Coke, music and smiles....it’s all good!

  January 31, 2021 The power of touch Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎January‎ ‎31‎, ‎2021 Since Lisa’s stroke, she has found great comfort in someone holding her left hand. During her days and nights in the hospital, we pulled the recliner close to her left side and held her hand. We are grateful that she is left handed so she can still feed herself and she can still wave or hold a pencil or hold our hands. It was so good to see her after being gone since Friday. She smiled and said “how are you?” We opened several letters and packages. She even ate a Reece’s peanut butter cup from her aunt Kay. She didn’t want music on or to sit in the commons area but wanted her TV on in her room and we watched a cooking show. She gets her second COVID vaccine this week so it will be good to worry less about her catching that virus. Arden and Erik have both had their second vaccines and I will get my second one soon too. It will be good for us and Lisa to be able to hug again! I remember the first time we took the kids to Disney World in 1984, we had just gotten there and were walking arm in arm down that wide street before the castle. It was a glorious warm day in January and we were SO surprised that it was not crowded. Because of the warm temperatures, I remember Lisa turning to us and saying “I just don’t feel like touching right now!” While Bill Gaither was accompanying Dr. Dale Oldham on his evangelistic crusades, the preacher said to him, "Bill, the word 'touch' is a very popular word. It comes up so often in the New Testament stories about Jesus touching people's eyes and healing them, or touching people's lives and changing them. It's a special, spiritual word and you ought to write a song that praises His touch." So he did. That week, Dr. Oldham's son Doug Oldham began singing it in the meetings. Doug was also the first to record the song (in 1964).[1] Not long after that, the Bill Gaither Trio recorded it. There’s comfort in the song “He Touched Me”.

  January 29, 2021 Feeling Down Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎January‎ ‎29‎, ‎2021 She was sad and grumpy this morning which is unusual for her. After I was there for 2 hours trying to cheer her up, I asked if she wanted me to leave and she said yes. I asked if she wanted music on and she said no. She stood a little in PT but they said they couldn't get her to do it yesterday. I said the Divide County cheer during PT that starts with “let me see you get down”. She didn’t find it funny. It's ok to have a down day now and then. We love you no matter what mood you’re in Lisa! Sometimes a long nap helps. I’m out of town to watch grandson Casey play hockey so Lisa’s sister Steph will spend time with her tomorrow. Carol Hall wrote a poem called

  It's All Right to Cry - Free to Be You and Me [Performed by Rosey Grier on Sesame Street)

It's all right to cry

Crying gets the sad out of you

It's all right to cry

It might make you feel better

Raindrops from your eyes

Washing all the mad out of you

Raindrops from your eyes

It's gonna make you feel better

It's all right to feel things

Though the feelings may be strange

Feelings are such real things

And they change and change and change

Sad 'n' grumpy, down in the dumpy Snuggly, hugly, mean 'n' ugly

Sloppy, slappy, hoppy, happy

Change and change and change

It's all right to know

Feelings come and feelings go

It's all right to cry

It might make you feel better

January 28, 2021 What’s your name? Where you from? Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎January‎ ‎28‎, ‎2021 I told my kids recently that I was offended by the Progressive insurance commercials on TV because they make fun of us Senior Citizens. The girls just laughed and said that they love the commercials because they are so true. Erik hadn’t seen the commercials so we pulled them up on YouTube and all laughed at them. Most of the commercials feature a guy teaching classes to Senior Citizens regarding phone etiquette and other technical issues. One of the commercials says “you don’t need to call the waitress by her name!” I disagree with that. Our daughter in law Donya always asked the wait staffs name. She did a fair amount of waitressing herself and felt it was a sign of respect to call the person by their name. I agree! Lisa has loved to know peoples names and I miss her asking “what’s your name?” And “where are you from?” One time she asked a doctors name and then when she got home she wrote him a thank you note thanking him for fixing her foot! Tomorrow I’m going to write some helpful hints for staff and one of the things I’m going to ask them to do is to tell her their names. As she settles into a routine and gets familiar with people it’s good for her to know their names even if she can’t say them. Today was a sleepy day for her. When the occupational therapist went in to help her get dressed, she gave her a couple of shirt choices and Lisa grabbed the Broncos shirt and hung on. She was also wearing Bison socks! She had on shoes for the first time in a week. The speech therapist upgraded her diet to mechanical soft and honey thick liquids instead of pudding thickness. She has had no further choking. This afternoon, she had her thickened Diet Coke and listened to music and opened several packages and cards that she got. Of course I cried while reading them. I am overwhelmed by everyone’s thoughtfulness. Wow! The Message Bible says in Isaiah 43:1 “Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you. I’ve called your name. You’re mine. ...”

January 27, 2021 STUFF Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎January‎ ‎27‎, ‎2021 Lisa has always worried about her “stuff”. Lisa and her latest roommate truly love each other and loved spending time together. Their only conflict seemed to be over their stuff! It all started when they both happened to have an identical pair of socks.....not just any pair of socks but Easter socks with cute bunnies on them! When Lisa saw her roommate wearing them, she was not happy. That along with Lisa’s memory loss caused her to often accuse her roommate of taking her “stuff". When we traveled to Van Hook, she would constantly check the back seat to make sure we had her “stuff”. Anyway, I didn’t get to Eventide until 11 today and she was pretty sleepy. PT said she had worked hard and was able to stand for short periods in the parallel bars. I knew she would have lunch and then have a nice nap so I didn’t stay long. Instead, I went home to sort through all of the “stuff” we had moved out of her apartment last weekend. Uffda! Most of her stuff was clothes. she loved to shop and was fun to shop for...liking different clothes for each holiday, clothes for different sports teams she likes (Vikings, Broncos, Bison and the Twins) and cute things. She especially liked her clothes to match and she loves cute socks. Anyway, I like to shop too so definitely spoiled her with clothes. It was time to downsize. As she’s gotten older, she’s rarely warm enough so I could eliminate a lot of summer stuff. She will no longer be going out to work or on outings like she did so I could eliminate a lot of winter gear. She’s loved cute shoes but unfortunately will have to wear sturdy serviceable shoes so I could eliminate the cute ones. Also because her right arm does not have any movement, her clothing has to be loose enough so she can be dressed more easily so I could eliminate some things there. I ended up with a black garbage full of clothes to donate, a big tote to take to her and a cubicle organizer full of non- winter clothing and extra socks and underwear to leave here. The rooms at Eventide are furnished with TV’s, recliners and built in dressers so all you need to bring is clothes and pictures and personal effects. I’m listening to a book called North of Normal where people lived simply and didn’t have much “stuff” and there’s certainly an appeal to that lifestyle. I went back to Eventide around 4 and she was wide awake. She enjoyed her thickened Diet Coke and listening to music. We FaceTimed with Arden and she pointed to the CD player and said Kirsten when Strawberry Wine played. it was great to see her animated and engaged! Thanks again for all the love and support! Take life day by day and be grateful for the little things.

January 26, 2021 Are You Having Fun? Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎January‎ ‎26‎, ‎2021 After talking about favorite phrases of Lisa’s, I realized that what she most often says to me as we are driving to appointments or to Van Hook is “Are You Having Fun?” I think she started asking this when she sensed I was crabby or stressed about something. Frankly, if I ever said that I wasn’t having fun, I think she would have said “take me home”. Lisa is all about fun and today was a great , fun day and it ended with her laughing for the first time since the stroke. She burped at supper and I said “whoa, where did that come from?” And she laughed! I met and shared her story with her nurse practitioner and all three therapists. They agree that she should not be on hospice. They also agree that she has a lot of work ahead of her and that they will try to make the journey fun. She named her siblings and asked about a friend in Stanley. She stood briefly in the parallel bars and also pedaled on a bike. She was wearing her Kenny Rogers shirt so she tried to sing along to his music. She worked and played hard in the morning so had a nice nap this afternoon. She had thickened Diet Coke and loved it. Life is good and although this was not a journey we would choose, we had fun and at this point that’s all that counts!

  January 25, 2021 Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎January‎ ‎25‎, ‎2021 One of my first thoughts when I first heard that Lisa had a stroke was. “I just want to hear her say embarrassing one more time. Because of Lisa our vocabularies will forever be changed. Here are some of her favorite sayings: ”hang your horses” when she wants you to be more patient with her “that’d be good”.....she said that many times but I most remember that’s what she said when I told her Grandma Stella went to heaven. I remember she said “pig” to one of her siblings as they loaded up on cookies after school. That’s probably typical of what teenagers say to each other! She had her annual physical the week before her stroke and she told her doctor “I’m older than dirt!” She also had a dentist appointment the week before her stroke and as the hygienist escorted her back to the waiting room where I was, she insisted on peaking into the other rooms and asking the staff and other patients how their Christmas was? She is talking very little these days...she says “fine” when we ask her how she is. She said “how are you?” when I saw her today. About 4:30 she was crying and restless so staff called me and I went over. She calmed down and I asked her what she wanted and she said “eat”. Her meal came fairly soon after that. She’s able to feed herself with some assistance. Her right side is affected and she’s left handed so that’s good. While I was there, I had something scratching underneath my bra and since her door was closed and no one else was in her room, I lifted my shirt to see what the problem was. Her look definitely said embarrassing although she couldn’t quite get the word out. It’s hard for her to smile because of the right facial droop but she did smile! she was pretty sleepy today so it was hard for therapies to work with her. I hung up some pictures on her walls as well as a bulletin board and made a couple of small photo albums so we could look at them and name the people and animals in them. Erik flew back to Colorado and Arden went back to Van Hook but Casey plays hockey in Minot on Saturday so I’ll go to Van Hook on Friday. Steph said she’d visit Lisa on Saturday and Erik has already booked a flight to come back in February. All of the kids work from home so that makes it easier for them to hang out with us and Lisa. So thankful for all the support and love! One day at a time! You are welcome to share your favorite Lisa phrases or stories!

January 25, 2021 Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎January‎ ‎25‎, ‎2021 Lisa is at Eventide Fargo Room 135 3225 51st St S, Fargo, ND 58104 She loves mail January 25, 2021 Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎January‎ ‎25‎, ‎2021 She loved having her family visit through her window yesterday. She also got to zoom visit with her roommate and staff at Friendship. We watched a little football although if it’s not the Vikings or the Broncos or the Bison she’s not very interested. She’s been feeding herself. I’m sure she misses her beloved Diet Coke but she has to have thickened liquids so no Diet Coke for now. Looking forward to PT, OT and speech therapy this week and thankful every day that they allow these compassion visits. Will put up pictures to make her room homier too. Thank you for your love and support.

  January 23, 2021 Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎January‎ ‎25‎, ‎2021 Further update on Lisa: she seems to have her days and nights mixed up. When she’s awake at night she’s pretty restless but likes to hold our hands. I am grateful that they are allowing a compassionate visit once a day even though she’s not on hospice. We stayed with her 24/7 in the hospital but can’t do that here. As is common with stroke patients, she was a little weepy today. Because of her restlessness she is in high traffic areas when we’re not around. Her vision is affected also. She sat in the recliner and we listened to music and danced and are watching Sister Act now. I showed staff and Lisa pictures and videos of Lisa on my I-pad. They are good for staff and also Lisa to see. We made a short video for her siblings and Dad and I will share videos with others as she gets better. As is also typical this is a roller coaster ride of ups and downs but today was an up day so It makes me happy. This picture was taken at Christmas.

Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎January‎ ‎25‎, ‎2021 Update on Lisa. She got moved to Eventide yesterday. No visitors unless she’s on hospice and she can’t have therapies while she’s on hospice so we’re going to try therapies and see how it goes. We know she’s a fighter and surrounded by love and prayers. Talking to staff at Eventide often and they are great. Also 4 out 5 of us have had our first vaccine while the 5th has had Covid so maybe that will help with visitation. Feeling hopeful! She brushed her teeth and combed her hair and was happy and cooperative.

January 21, 2021 Journal Entry by Valerie Eide — ‎January‎ ‎25‎, ‎2021 Update on Lisa....tentative plan to move her to a nursing home tomorrow. Pretty sleepy again today. Got her IV out so she was able to feed herself. Erik arrived today and he’s taking the night shift so I can sleep in my own bed. Steph and Kirsten taking shifts too! So blessed by all of your messages and the support of our friends and family. I wanted to share one of my favorite poems from a book called Bethy and the Mouse by Donald Bakely.

January 18, 2021 It’s been a rough 24 hours for our family as Lisa suffered a stroke yesterday. She is at Essentia hospital in Fargo with right sided weakness and confusion and some difficulty speaking and eating. They discovered that she has Moya Moya disease which is a chronic and progressive condition of the arteries in the brain. People with moyamoya disease have narrowing of these blood vessels that leads to blockages and can eventually cause ischemic stroke, hemorrhagic stroke, and seizures. Her carotid arteries are very narrow and there is danger of another stroke. She is not a good candidate for surgery. She will be going to a nursing home for rehab and may have to move there permanently. We are taking turns staying with her around the clock. We are sad but grateful for the wonderful care she’s receiving and for the staff at CHI Friendship who noticed the changes in her and acted quickly to get her to the ER. We are in awe of how much she has made us all better people and will celebrate each precious day we get to spend with her. Thank you for your prayers and I will try to keep you updated on how she’s doing. Today she was extremely tired and couldn’t wake up enough for PT, OT and speech to do proper evaluations.