March 26, 2021 Life is Messy, Life is Good

Going forward…Life is Messy   Lisa has never liked anything that’s damaged, dirty, scuffed or not working.  In the past, she threw those things away. I remember that she threw away a vacuum cleaner and it probably just needed the bag changed.  She’s also thrown shoes away because the laces were frayed.  That wouldn’t have been so bad but they were $150 specially made orthotic shoes.  I have tried to teach her to ask for help or ask questions before throwing things  but because she doesn’t understand the cost of replacing things, she thinks it’s just easier to throw them.  If I see her picking at a string on a piece of clothing, I know I’d better cut it off or she will throw it.  I think that’s why she likes her hair short and neat.  If it’s getting scraggly, it irritates her.   She also rags on me constantly if my car is dirty!    She’s always been very observant, often the only one who noticed if I’d gotten a haircut or a new shirt. She just likes things orderly and neat and although she often had a messy room, she would notice if I moved something. There was a time that I spent the afternoon, painting an accent wall in her apartment and rearranging her furniture while she was napping. She couldn’t rest though and kept asking if I was done and wasn’t I going home? Anyway I had to run to the hardware store and get something and when I came back she was still in bed but had moved the furniture in the living room while I was gone! Oh, how I would love to have that feisty, opinionated person back.    I’m having a hard time understanding what she says. For several days I thought she was asking about pancakes and I finally figured out she was saying “packing”. I believe that  she recognizes that she’s not in her apartment and would like me to pack so she can go back. Every day I explain to her about her stroke and her inability to walk and that this is her new home now. She says “ok” and is content after that explanation.    In the midst of this pandemic, our daughter in law died of breast cancer, Arden’s mother died and this past week, Arden had surgery to remove his prostate. We’ve  known for two years that he had prostate cancer but it’s a slow growing cancer so most doctors recommend to wait and watch the numbers…PSA and biopsy results. Anyway, 6 weeks ago, he had a biopsy which revealed his cancer had advanced to an intermediate stage. There were lots of options….2 different kinds of radiation therapy and surgery….all of them with good success. Our son in law had prostate cancer and Arden has several relatives who’ve also been on this journey and chosen various options. We are so thankful that they’ve shared their stories with us.  Life is Messy but it is also good, despite the messes. Arden is slowly getting better each day. The doctor says the surgery was highly successful. He spent one night in the hospital and will stay in Fargo until after Easter. His biggest pain (besides me) is shoulder pain which can be a side effect of the gas they use during laparoscopic surgery. We are thankful for your concern and your thoughts and prayers.