What Matters to You

Our grandchildren, Olivia who is 6 and Casey, who is 4 were visiting recently. Several adults had the discussion on whether it is appropriate to correct children who may not be your own. I am outspoken and have often done this impulsively. In hindsight, I should wait until a parent or grandparent can intervene if they are present. If they don't say anything, I will speak up, especially if the child is at my house or in my yard. I guess that when I (or anyone) does this, they assume that they have the same values and standards as the parent(s). I am amazed that some parents do not think that their child should be respectful to adults. They do not correct their child when that child calls others "stupid" or they do not correct the child when they mock the beverages that are in the fridge or the toys in the toy box. Do children behave this way because they see it modeled by someone important in their life. Does someone in their life feel superior because of education and yearly income? So I come to the question: What matters in life to you? My brother Bruce told the story of he and our cousin standing on the overpass in Epping, spitting on the bums who were riding the rails. When he told our Dad about the incident, Dad simply said "those bums are people too and deserve your respect". What a wonderful value Dad taught us!!! Thanks Dad (and Mom) for your values and standards you passed on to us. May we also convey them in kind ways to the next generations. Here are some traits, values or standards that I think matter: •Honesty •Respect for elders and peers and those younger than you •Hard work (no matter what it is)--show up when you are expected •Caring for and about the universe--not littering, recycling, caring for other creatures •Making a difference either by the way we treat others or how we do our jobs •Volunteering--not just doing our jobs but helping out in tasks where you don't get paid •Standing up for what is right, respectfully speaking up when needed. •Listening and trying to understand others •Being kind •Using humor in the right way, not in ways that are hurtful •Not feeling superior--being humble Here are some things that I think do NOT matter: •Education can help you realize your dreams and maybe get you a better job but it does not make you more valuable •Status in the community does NOT make you more valuable. A homeless person has as much value as a CEO of a company. •The house you live in--we have lived in a beautiful, big, impressive house because we wanted to be able to have foster kids not because the house looked impressive. •Age, weight, looks, sexual orientation, race --it's been hard to overcome prejudices when we have lived in such a WASP-y area but these things really do NOT make one person more valuable than another. Neither one of the above lists is all inclusive as there certainly may be other things that are important and there may be many more things that do NOT matter.